Star Wars Nostalgia: Our Favorite Movies, Characters & Memories

Hey y'all, welcome to another episode of Past Times at eighties High. This episode we are naming These are not the geeks you're looking for. And that is gonna be a Star Wars episode uh with Dongo, Kevin, and I. How are you doing, boys? Great, excellent, awesome, and we're gonna give a shout out to Mr. Mark, my brother, who is, you know, he's recuperating from shoulder replacement surgery. So we're gonna miss him this week, but just a big shout out to him and get well, brother Mark. Yes, and he's doing great, all is well. The surgery went good, pretty complicated, but cool. But he's doing good. So, and he's not a Star Wars fan as much as us, anyway. So it's a good time for us to do this, but we love you, brother.

But anyway, the humor was back, so he must be feeling better.

Yes, exactly. So, so what we're gonna do here is uh Dongo Kevin and I are absolute fucking diehard Star Wars fans. And when I say these are not the geeks we're looking you're looking for, that's because you know, we're not gonna name every creature and character down the line, but this was our childhood, and this was so important to us, so we're gonna just do a another little hodgepodge of categories here for you, and we shall go from there.

Are you telling me that you don't know the exact payload of the Millennium Falcon? Exactly.

I don't know half the freaking character, like the creatures or oh the stuff the the geeks out there, the Comic-Con geeks. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with Comic-Con, but um just God, it's insane. Like, I mean, I'm not so into it that I could tell you who created Greedo's uniform, if that makes sense. But you get my point.

Like I said, as we were getting started, I'm not that interested in my own life. The Star Wars. Yeah, you know what I mean? I love I love it, it's a huge part of my life, but I I don't know what color shirt um you know Mark Hamill was wearing on the day that he auditioned for Star Wars.

Absolutely. Moss Icely, shall I say? All right, so our first category that we're gonna lead off with today is our least favorite character. Now, mind you, we're going from the basically the movies, uh, and more basic, the 11 movies that include solo and um and rogue one, of course. But you know, if someone wants to dig deep into the cartoons or the series, you know, that's fine as well. But the first category is least favorite character, and we have excluded Jar Jar Binks because she whiz why, yeah, that exactly that would be you know an obvious pick, I think, for the whole Star Wars world. But for me, this was a difficult one. There were so many, but for me, I am going with Wicked, and that is the Ewok, okay, that Princess Leah meets on Endor. And the the introduction of the Ewok for me was where you know things took a turn and started getting a little too geeky and childish for me. And believe me, at this point, I was a child. So the fact that it hit me that way, and I will say that there's a very funny episode of the the sitcom How I Met Your Mother, where Barney, um, who is Doogie Hauser, uh does an awesome like a uh slideshow, you know, a PowerPoint presentation uh at Ted's college room, and it's hilarious, and it uh you gotta watch the Ewok line in 1983.

George Lucas introduced the world to the Ewoks, a race of creatures indigenous to the second moon of Endor. Now, the Ewoks have a rich backstory that the movie didn't really go into. Barney, why don't you just skip to the part about you and Nora?

Fine.

Yeah, it was the Ewok line, exactly. And it was you knew how the age of a woman appeared.

Like he's like, I have this PowerPoint.

It was hilarious. It was one of the best scenes in sitcom history.

Right. It was based on whether a woman was older enough or young enough to date or too.

Ultimately, ewoks split Star Wars fandom into two camps: those born before and those born after May 25th, 1973. The Ewok Line. Anyone born on this side of the Ewok line was at least 10 years old when Jedi came out, and thus too old for something so cloying and cute. Anyone born on this side loved the Ewok because they reminded you of her teddies? They reminded you of your teddies. Thank you, Gina. I do know her name. And so, by the immutable laws of the Ewok line, my 29-year-old girlfriend who hates Ewoks must in fact be no younger than 37. That's only a year younger than Will's mom.

How do you know my mom? Class dismissed!

Exactly.

My metric would be the opposite.

Exactly. Oh, it's hilarious.

Because we have to talk about something 30 seconds later, so it might just tell me how much we need. Because that, you know, the funny thing is, you know, you talk you talk about Wicket and the ewoks and all that, and that is not not that marketing wasn't. I mean, so much of Star Wars is about marketing, whether it was him retaining the rights to him not letting Mel Brooks have any marketing for um space balls, but that's when it just they started marketing the movie towards toys. And that's exactly what the E1. That's that's they they peeled the the band-aid off, and there was no more pretending that it was anything other than we're gonna sell what you know eighty billion dollars worth of stuffed animals that uh you know maybe some other characters didn't lend themselves to.

I'm trying to think of the order again. It's throwing me off.

I'm gonna I'm gonna rattle some cages, man. Like I with the new movies, the which I mean the most recent ones, there's a ton of characters that you could pick that I hate. But I'm gonna go with one that almost the icon of the series, and it's Luke. Luke Skywalker. He's one of my least favorite characters. He's a whiny little bastard. It's not true.

That's impossible.

Yes, are you talking are you talking in in 789 or the whole the whole thing? Like the whole thing, okay.

Obviously, in the in episode four, you know, he's kind of cool. That's where he was probably at his coolest in the first one, because he's just a dumb kid at that point, a teenage kid. Yeah, but he he just never endeared to me, and he's supposed to be the hero of the show, and I don't I don't know. I just he rubs me the wrong way, and part of that might be because of the way he is now, but I'll I'll leave that aside.

But that's a spectacular pick though for the first round in our Star Wars episode. Yeah.

And good heroes are supposed to have flaws, right? And he's got flaws, and and that's that's a good character that has you know a little depth to it. But uh I kind of agree with you, Donald. I just don't think he he was he to me, he didn't fit the persona of a of a good leader. He wasn't a good leader, he was talented, he was talented by birthright, so he's kind of you know, he he was blessed with powers of the force by his parents, and he didn't earn anything.

He just kind of Oh, wait a minute. Are we leading up to perhaps a trust fund? Right? Oh, you're absolutely right, trust fund Jedi, yeah, right.

It's interesting when you think about it in those terms because it was almost always balanced out by Han Solo because he was just awesome from start to finish.

Han's a good he's the best.

His flaws are endearing, right? All of that. Yeah, and he was a good leader.

Han was a good leader. He was a good leader, reluctant, but a good leader.

But it makes you wonder why Lucas it's interesting that to have those two characters, the two dynamic characters in the movie. It's it's all right.

Right, because Luke is supposed to be the the pure, the white, you know, he's in the white robe, he's supposed to be the great one. But and Han is flawed, but yet Han has more, in my opinion, more moral character than Luke does. Mind.

Absolutely. And what bothers me even more about it is the fact that how quickly he progressed. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, he blew up the Death Star, you know, he shot the thing the size of a womp rat. Lucky shot. Lucky fucking shot, and then all of a sudden, uh the next thing you know, he's General Skywalker, and you know, it's just it's irritating to me. And I agree with you, Donald. That is a good question. I too.

I find I find much much weight in your argument. Absolutely. All right, so Kev. So I'm gonna go a lot more basic, um, no philosophy involved in in my pick here. I'm gonna contrast Don's pick, and I hate those fucking battle droids.

Check it out, Corporal. We'll cover you. Roger, Roger.

That one, shut the five. That was so disappointing. Yeah, it really was. I mean, second only to He Who Shall Not Be Named, Jar Jar, um, who was just, I'm sorry, I'm gonna talk about her because he's the worst fucking character ever, and I am still to this day dumbfounded that no racism attack.

No, that no, it was before cancel in the still.

I mean, it was after Blackface was outlawed, and what the fuck was Jar Jar Binks? If you I mean, it's just and I'm you you everybody in the group knows me, and I think anybody that's listening to it, I'm not an offended type of guy ever.

No, none of us.

That character was like, holy shit, was it Jar Jar, or did you just call him fucking Rastus? Holy fuck. I mean, it's just so blatantly terrible. I I don't know how he didn't get get hell for that, even yeah, even pre-Me Too and and cancel council is beyond me. But yes, the second to that only is a Roger Roger droid.

The good pick. Yeah, painfully horrible.

Yeah, I knew if Jar Jar came up, you were going right there too.

I mean, they were in like the first 10 minutes of that episode. The what was that, the Phantom Menace, and it was like the biggest letdown in the world. Like it's like, what are these stupid things? You know, like, oh my god.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, the voice. We're gonna get there later, boys. Let's not forget when we do our little bit of a ranking, we're gonna do.

Yes, but the voices were like it made no sense. It's like, you know, they spent hours making like Chewbacca's voice, right? And and slowing things down and you know, maskable stuff together, and and then they just went to that and went, fuck it, let's use some haggard old fucking robot voice from a fucking 1920s movie, the speaking spell or whatever, yeah.

Absolutely, and you're so right, Kevin, on how terrible they were. I just I I think my list, and because of being such a you know, the first three diehard, like my thoughts didn't go to that stuff. So, our next one here is going to be our favorite line, and that is spoken words. I really struggled with this one, and I just I had to go with this because the whole scene is great, and I couldn't remember the guy's name, but this guy could have gone down with one of my least favorite characters, the guy he's talking to with the lisp. But but my favorite line that I'm picking today, because I have a zillion, is the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force.

This station is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest we use it.

Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force.

And I fucking love it when they're sitting at that table meeting in a new home. So classic. And that dude with the list, when he's ragging on his religion, your ancient religion sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader.

Don't try to fragono us with your sorcerer's ways, Lord Vader. Your sad devotion to that ancient religion has not helped you conjure up the stolen data tapes or given you clairvoyance enough to find the rebel's hidden fortune.

Vader's like, fuck you, buddy. And I just I love that line, and there's many lines in it, so I won't go on further. But fucking Vader is the man, and so great. I love that line. There's so many to choose from. I I have about six of them on my board, but I will go to you, Donald, before I ruin anything.

No, there's a million quotes to go from. So I went with from the quote master, Obi-Wan, and it's who's more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows?

Yes.

Just a good profound quote.

Yes, it is.

Very nice. Okay. So then you Kev. All right. I'm gonna go a little bit sappier here. I just think it fits the fucking greatest line ever. As Han is going into the carbonite, and after all the tension that's built up, and Leah looks over at him and says, I love you. And his response is perfect. I know. I love you.

I know. Yeah, I know, I know.

That's so cool. That's that's that one line, if it wasn't for all the other cool stuff, solidifies Han Solo as one of the coolest characters in the world. He's about to be frozen in carbonite, right? The woman that he's had all this tension with, even after she kissed her brother, right? Finally confesses she loves him, and he's like, Yeah, I know. I mean, that's just how great is that?

It's just so fucking awesome. Not only is it one of the greatest lines in movie history, but do you know that that was ad-libbed? That they did that take like something like fucking 15-20 times, and then he ad-libbed that and they they ran with it.

And they went with do you know what the actual line was it like I love you too? Or I don't recall on it. I can't remember.

I read I I did read the article a while back.

I just appreciated it so much that I didn't take time to read it. Sorry, you kept going, right? No, no, you're absolutely right.

No, and that one did cross my mind too, that line, because it's so kind of like it threw you. Even as a kid watching, I was like, Oh, that was an odd answer to that question, you know, to that.

Just to throw in a couple others, um, it was I wanted to say, we would be honored if you would join us. I loved that. I am altering the list. Pray I don't alter it any further.

That's such a great line.

Yeah. Now we're going with favorite villain. And I still don't even know my pick here, man. But yeah, and this is excluding Darth Vader, everyone. Once again, we excluded Vader, the greatest villain every time the greatest villain of all time with the OG of cool. At least at least at least from New Hope on. Yep. So I'm looking at the one, two, three, four I have listed, but I'm going with Peter Cushing. Grandmoff Tarkin. Good one. Yeah, such good actor. Great actor, and I don't know, just everything. He just so friggin' cool. And it when they're about to blow up all Duran, just he's the man. Right. So that's what I went with.

I like the name grandmoff Tarkin. It sounds like something a stripper would wear over her the JJ.

Exactly. Like a boa loincloth.

Where's my grandmouth?

Uh awesome, Dongo to you.

All right. So, yeah, there's ones that we could there's a lot that could go with, but I went with the rank and file stormtrooper. I just love the fucking stormtrooper, the the nobody stormtrooper. You know, the the private, whatever they are, their rank, you know, they don't have much ranking systems. The guy with the orange thing on the shoulder, yeah, that's like a commander or whatever. But he's yeah, he's so I like stormtroopers, they're cool, you know. Yeah, absolutely. And once once once Kevin Gan. They can't shoot for shit, you know. That's been the kind of funny thing nowadays is that they can't shoot for crap. Yeah, but yeah, these blast marks are too accurate for sad people. Only Imperial Stormtroopers have that act, but yet they can't they can't shoot anyone.

Exactly. They suck. So I got something to say about the stormtroopers too, but Kev, I'll let you go first.

Okay. I just like the um the versatility of the stormtroopers. Donnie was talking about just the rank and file, but you know, you got your snow troopers, he's got a whole different outfit. Yeah, you got you know, longer hooded helmet. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. The guys in black that are that are driving the um TIE fighters. TIE Fighters, thank you. Yeah, I keep losing that one. But anyway, I had to go for I had to go for aim for the top here, Emperor Palpatine. Yes. Um he was on my list. He was the bad guy. I mean, he he was great, yeah. Yeah, kind of the nexus of of of the bad guy. And and of course, I mean, seriously, a politician that was secretly evil, weird. That would that would never happen in real life. No, no, but such a great villain, you know what I mean?

Yes.

Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield would be quite operational.

Yo, friends arrive. Yeah.

And then and then one of my other, just because it's such a beautiful scene that you don't notice until the 20th time you've watched it, when Vader is there talking about uh finding them on Hoth, and he says, you know, he Vader gives his order and he turns. And that that general that's I can't, was it Ozzle or somebody? He turns and the guy like right it was they had to have like smooshed them together for the scene or whatever. But when you watch that scene, it's hilarious because Vader says what he says and he turns, and the guy's like right in his face, you just makes endears him to me as a villain because he was also a close talker.

Vader, the close talker, right? Uh uh, speaking of the emperor, the other line, Donald, you are. Such a great line. But where I was gonna go with the stormtroopers is the girls bought me a bobblehead stormtrooper like I don't know, six years ago, and it is near and dear. It's in my storage container at the moment. But that would be TK421. Why aren't you at your post?

TK421. Why aren't you at your post? TK421, do you come?

And TK was the one that was supposed to be at the end of the day.

We're fine, everything's good.

How's good? How are you? That's this day line.

I can't find. I mean, there's got to be ones out there, but it's a good like stormtrooper outfit. I never see one in like a thrift shop or a costume. You know, you see the plastic ones that we all wore as kids, but I want like a real stormtrooper outfit. Yeah. Kind of like probably got to search online. You find one.

They are out there because I read recently, and and forgive me for having such little information about this, but it was, I don't know if it was one of the shows or one of the movies, but they needed a ton of extras to be stormtroopers, and they didn't have the uniforms and the people, and they actually got a bunch of Star Wars fans that had their own stormtrooper, and they're actually in the movie or show.

I probably wouldn't fit in a suit right now, but yeah.

Oh well, Homer Simpson is a they don't look very stretchy either, do they? Kind of short. Is that of an extended belt area? Awesome. All right, so we are now at favorite scene, and uh this was probably the most difficult choice for me here. But how could I not go with the moss Iceland Cantina scene? I mean, from start to finish, when they pull up shot first of all. Right, but just another line that I almost chose as my favorite is you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. You know, just so great, just pulling in, and everything that happens inside that cantina. I mean, I know that it's probably three or four scenes mocked together there, but yeah, just I have the desecretes on seven whatever he says systems, yeah.

But dude he doesn't like you, he doesn't like you. I'm sorry, I don't like you either. You just watch yourself. We'll want it been. I have the death sentence on twelve systems. I'll be careful. You'll be dead. I don't like you either.

Yeah, so uh just uh before we move on, I just wanted to say that one of the categories Kevin sent to me today was favorite arm cutting off. Yeah, dismemberment scene. But what's funny is I started thinking about it and I'm like, fuck. All right, you got the Wampa, you got you got Obi-Wan in Moss Icele, you got Luke's hand, and then I'm like, you got C3PO blowing up, you got this, you got that. It's like there were so fucking many of them. I just thought it was there's actually, I can't remember.

I I I did start to look it up and I didn't get to finish, but there's a large list of people, but that's especially when you I mean, let's face it, the movies were aimed at kids. That's why I thought like the Clone Wars, right? Okay, the Clone Wars come in. What are you gonna do? You're gonna kill clones, so that's okay, or droids, or whatever else. You can't if if there was it wouldn't be family friendly so much in that era if you were slaying humans or humanoids.

What about younglings?

Yeah, that was a little often but you know, what do you expect from hidden Christians?

But anyway. Oh boy, we'll get there. He didn't butcher the the younglings as much as he did that role, but anyway, yes, and I must say this too very surprising that nobody pulled him out, but we did not have uh and when I say him, I mean um Hayden Christensen, but we did not do a worst actor category today, but oh yeah, we could do it right now, yeah. Right, right. Hayden Christensen, yeah. We all we all agree, all in favor, say aye. It actually, I will even say that at certain points it made Ewan McGregor a bad actor.

Yeah, he almost had to drag him down to do the fucking roles, just everything made him a bad, you know, yeah because he's an awesome actor. He is indeed train spotting that old shit they used to do, and yeah, everything that he's in.

And I've heard a lot of people like excuse Hayden Christensen because he's like it was the director, it was Lucas directing him. It was he's supposed to be a troubled teenager, and I'm like, I just don't buy any of that. It's just yeah, right? Exactly. I have seen like five minutes of one, and that was too much for me. Yeah, you know, God bless him. He he he made some money and whatever else, but it just ruined it for me. Not not that again, I think we all agree that the first three were oh yeah, might have been the worst part, but they weren't they they weren't great either.

I know I'm very anxious to see category number seven, which we will get to. Yeah, tease tease. All right, that's to you, Donald, right?

I just toss up, and and once Kevin goes, I'll but the one I'm gonna go with is uh the Hoth battle scene. That's it's like you know, regular troops getting in the like trenches, and and then they got the Imperial Walkers coming, you know, the ad-ats. Yes, and uh it that's a just a cool scene with the snow speeders and everything.

And I always go to all quiet on the western front with that. Yeah, it's like a military warfare, you know what I mean?

Troop battle, you know, grant ground battle campaign that they hadn't shown in other episodes, you know. Incredible.

That that's that's yeah, and again, with with that was such a great scene. Um, but watching it again last night, I was thinking to myself, so where's the where the as the Rebel Alliance, where do you get like a new satellite dish?

Do you I mean the thing does absolutely nothing to the at at it like right at the kneecap?

Amazon just like map to wherever they move the the outpost to where do they go?

It was like the worst who's funding this every time that was for HBO in the trench, yeah.

But I mean the guy must have like calculated his his range and distance, and he had it dialed in that little radar gun, and it shoots at it and did absolutely nothing, right? Like it just absorbed that shot like nothing ever hit it, you know.

But then they had the ion cannon like shot which was beard there.

Stand by ion control.

Right? Could yeah well, I don't want to say anything because I don't want to ruin another category.

The monocular binoculars were kind of weird too. So why would you take two and bring it down to one? It just seems weird. Well, I guess you gotta do stuff in defense of that.

It's like night vision does the same thing, but monoculars, you shouldn't yeah, binoculars.

Was there night vision at that time in '79? Oh, I mean, they had were their spaceship. Yeah, the concept might not have been out yet.

Yeah.

Yeah. Uh too fucking funny. All right.

Great pick to you, Kev, right? Yeah. I I had one that stuck out in my mind because it was one of those, especially as a kid, one of those hurrah moments, and that's the trench run. I mean, oh yeah, it's classic. You know, as as everything we talked about, Luke and whatever, he's still the hero of the show. And you know, he's he's made his comment about Womp Rats and this and that and the other thing, but you still you got the you know how it's gonna turn out, but you got the TIE fighters on his tail, and you're going through that and you're missing the you know the cannons and everything, and and just you know, it's it's it's it's the classic build-up to yeeha, and then he flies off and and we forget now because we've been anesthesized to it, but and it's hard to remember because Lucas messed with him so much, but still like the Death Star blowing up when you were a kid, that was like the most amazing special effects.

Oh, yeah, it was on and and for that scene, like the balance of the music with John Williams's music and like the dun dun dun dun, like it was like building suspense, you know. All right, we're going in, we're going in full throttle. That'll keep those fighters off our backs for a little while. And then just like you know, you're getting pumped up, and we lost our two, and everything's going to hell, and then he makes the shot. Oh, yeah, that was a basic scene.

Yeah, that was a perfect two analogy, Don, with the music. The right done. Great pit, Kev. And we lost poor Porkins. Yes, we did. Porkins, stay on target. That wouldn't fly today either, would it?

Dude, we we we know he's gonna wait on him. You don't have to call him Porkins.

I know, right? So I just I have to say this, but my favorite scenes, I'm looking up at my whiteboard across the room, was the Death Star battle, the Hoth battle, and the Cantina scene. So also all of them, it's awesome.

The Luke Vader battle in Jedi, yeah, yeah. That was with the Emperor in the mix, yeah.

Trash Compactor was pretty good too. Yeah, so many.

Yeah, but it's so like how obviously we just go to those first three. It's like yeah, yeah, it didn't suck. Awesome. All right, so our next category is going to be our favorite means of transportation, and now this is going to be mechanical or beast, so whatever you want to pick, but I have to go with the superstar destroyer. Oh I just was so mesmerized. I don't know if it's when I was younger, I didn't I couldn't take in like the different sizes of items, but just to see that superstar destroyer that was like a city and then seeing it pull into a tiny hole in the Death Star, yeah, just put everything into proportion for me. But I also don't understand why the bridge was so susceptible. Like let's put it at the top of a stick. Exactly. Like all we gotta do is blow that little piece off of it, and we can ruin it all and destroy a city.

Exactly. Where are we gonna put the guy steering everything and making all the decisions? Let's put him at the top of a brittle stick on top of the ship, and uh but brilliant again um to to show that girth by you know the way you start underneath it and you're just yeah, and it's just just amazing. I was looking at that last night. I'm thinking to myself, did he take that from like somebody's footage of uh oil tanker or something like that? Maybe to give it that size, and instead of coming at it, coming underneath it, well, you just feel like it feels big and you want to duck the first time you see it.

It just oh yeah, because when we saw the episode four as kids, we thought the star destroyers were huge, right? And then they showed, like you said in that episode, like the shadow of it, and you're like, Oh my god, that thing's even bigger than the Star Destroyer. Yep, you know, it's just massive.

And then, and then just to bring up uh you know, Force Awakens when Ray, who we'll go there later, but um is exploring it to like salvage, you know, and they show it like in the dust on the those are cool shit. Yeah, you know, like you know, a city, literally a city, yeah, you know, and I thought that was pretty cool.

So anyway, to you, Don. All right, so I'm gonna go with the speeder bike. Oh, so I stand like why haven't we invented that yet? Why haven't they invented a hovercraft of any kind? You know, they have, but the bikes are amazing. Oh, yeah, like drone type of stuff, you know. Um, it would you'd have to have some electromagnet kind of thing, but you know, just the bikes are cool, they're fast, um, they're nimble, they you know, they were pretty fun. And I would pay a lot of money to get on one of those.

Damn right, but there's no way in hell we wouldn't all be dead within the first 18.

I was gonna say it's uh zipping through trees and stuff. I think by nature of all the guys, it's splattered onto trees. That might be why we don't hey, watch that first turn coming out of the dealership.

Smash. Yeah, what what is it? It's zero to one eighty in a half a second. You know, it's you know you're gonna hit that tree before you hit the gas all the way down, right? Right. So yeah, is there a safety?

I wonder what the altitude altitude ceiling is on those, because in Jedi they he did go up to come down in an angle to shoot.

Was there a like you can't go into space with them, obviously. But I mean, my impression was that the speeder bikes were kind of like the the the the lane sealer, yeah.

Yeah, just small to be hovering above the ground.

But it would have been kind of a wheelie thing to go up and and leave that, and you know what I mean? The way that you said he jumps up and comes back down. Um seems like there was there was there was something, some part of it that made it earthbound. Yes, right.

I agree, just like the land speeder, yeah.

Yeah, you can go up to 10,000 feet and cruise, probably because there'd be no air.

Yeah, perfect analogy though, Kev. A wheelie. Like they could probably lift the front up and jump like a bunny hop.

Yeah. Go do a tabletop. All right, three of you guys line up. I'm gonna bunny hop you on my speeder bike. No, those are great.

What's your vehicle, Kev? It's up to you.

My vehicle is I had there's so many to love and so many cool things. I had to go with the stupidest war vehicle ever created, and it had to have been the Galactic Senate. Had to have somebody whoever manufactured these had to have a relative on the Galactic Senate because why the fuck else would you build an ATAT? I know dumb as fuck. Thank you very much. Clumsy so clumsy. It's like everything else is you know, speeder. Top heavy and light speed, and this. Well, let's put everybody up on top of this thing, and it well has it walks, it's got four legs that are, you know, a couple of tons apiece. And well, what if somebody ties something around it and trips it? Now that won't happen.

I see that as being like maybe that was their like old technology that they used in like older campaigns where would snow step over things or something.

We couldn't hover through snow back then, right?

Right, and they just kept them because of you know bureaucracy and everything. It's like a tank nowadays, an A1 Abrams tank. Like, what good is it, really? It's no one's using them in the battlefield anymore, you know. But right, okay.

Let's not get too real with this here. We're talking about how the Imperial Walkers were dumb, dumb, but they're cool though. They are cool looking. And how about you think those were unstable? How about the fucking two-legged ones?

The chicken walkers, yes. Yeah, that was even dumber. Exactly. Right? But let's face it, if you're if your front door opened up and you ran outside and every Star Wars vehicle was lined up, would you go for the ATAT?

Oh, first thing. Of course not. It's the dumbest vehicle ever created. No upside.

No upside, but it's yeah, but any of the weaponry it had could have been easily placed on a much more articulate vehicle. Right. The walls were too strong for the blaster, at least until it was had definitely get it in the neck.

So if we're gonna geek out, I think that's why it was a walking type of vehicle, is because the weight of the armor couldn't fly, it was too heavy.

Wheels would have ground into it, right? Couldn't fly, and wheels would have buried it. So yeah, maybe so, maybe so. Dumb, just guessing, just dumb, but anyway, all right.

So we're moving to category number six here, and that is gonna be our favorite non-human life form or species, and that is droids excluded. And here's another one where I'm going first, so I need to pick which one I'm gonna do, and I'm gonna use their actual name before I go further, and that is gonna be the Tuscan Raiders, which is the Sand people, yeah. These guys hold a special place to me because I don't know what it was. When he fucking jumps up and freaks Luke out at the first time in uh on Tatooine, I don't know, I loved him. Those banter tracks are single file, like you said earlier, but they were just cool to me as a kid, they freaked me out, and I don't know if you guys back in the day, like for me, I was so into it. I had the John Williams double album of the soundtrack, would listen to that and just picture the sand people, and I had a little booklet with it that was drawings, but it wasn't shitty drawings of like yeah, I mean they were cartoon, but they weren't shitty drawings like nowadays, like remade stuff. It looked just like them, and they were fucking creepy to me. Like, I don't know, I think a leather face, you know.

I didn't even know that I didn't even know that KISS yeah, I didn't even know that KISS made a Star Wars album. I was able to purchase a couple things. How else could you have the album if it wasn't Kiss? Um, you you mentioned the first time he jumps out at Obi-Wan. I don't care who you are. If the first time you saw that, you didn't jump out of your seat.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're I think it was Luke, though, he jumped out at.

Oh, Luke, I'm sorry.

That's yeah, it was like it's like they used another good analogy, though, Kev, is you used how Chewbacca's voice and how they got these great sounds from different things. I like, I think that was a fucking dog barking when they did that, you know.

And they manipulated it. Exactly.

Also, their their weapons were kind of cool too, because of the oh the banshee stick or whatever it was like a crowbar on the end of it, yeah, yeah, and a ball, a mace ball on the other end, and yeah, oh fuck yeah. It fucked C3P up pretty good.

And I like that they were just they all they had no purpose other than destroying, whereas some of their other contemporaries were salvaging.

I'm not gonna get into that because another scene we can go into later, which makes me think of the skeletal bone over the desert in a new hope. Anywho, to you, Dungo.

All right.

So I like Admiral Akbar, the fucking friend. We can't repel firepower of that magnitude. Is and this is per Wikipedia, so I don't know if it's up to date or not, but is an amphibious mon calamari. So he's non-kalamari. Basically, something we could fry up and and you know add with a nice ties. But he was a cool character, you know. He was ugly as all hell. He looks like a fish. He's obviously amphibian. Um, but he was a good leader. Uh, he he he was a good skilled uh admiral of the ship, too. But one of my favorite scenes, and I should this could be a favorite scene of mine, is when you were talking about the superstar destroyer being like an amazing ship, you know, is when like a dude like basically kamikaze into the superstar destroyer, he got shot and he lost controls of his aircraft, fired into the superstar destroyer, and then it like pierces the new Death Star and explodes, and he he gives that like you could tell he was like happy that the superstar destroyer was destroyed, that the sad that the dude had to die to so he's a good leader, like he cared about his people, you know.

He hung his head, remember at the end, he just went, Yeah, but that was a cool scene, and that was the same stick that Kevin was talking about on the Star Destroyer. Like, let's put the bridge up on a stick. It's so perfect, awesome.

Right, Kev. All right, I had to think about this one. I'm I'm sure it could have been any of a million, but this one always stuck in my head because it was such a creepy character, and that would be the the Twilek known as Bib Fortuna.

Oh nice with the I but take you to Jabba now.

Oh, take it to Jabba now.

He was such a good sleaze ball, you know, that weird thing coming from the back of his head around. I don't know, is it a goiter? What has he got going on there?

What's they all had the species had the goiter hair?

He's a snail of some kind, you know, loosely related to a snail of some kind, right?

Right, which you would expect would be, you know, the tuna evil evil lord.

So I mean I just thought that was a come up with his name. Like how do they come up with any of the names? Or do you think there's a general? Bib for tuna, bib for wait, bib bib for tuna.

Wait, you know, when you go out and you have lobster, you have a bib. What if there was a bib for tuna?

That was one of the greatest scenes though ever, when like the whole language barrier, you know, no English, but then he goes, like talking all the gibberish to Jabba, and then he goes, He's no Jedi.

He's no Jedi, weak-minded fool.

Get out of here. He likes smacks him away. And he's in more later on, if I'm not mistaken.

At least his species is, but yeah, he's in the isn't he in the the the boba fat one or Mandalorian species?

If it's him, and that's why I was saying at least his species. Well, is he kind of related to you know the the dancer that had the show?

Yeah, double in the new in the yeah, like oh no, the one dancing though that falls down to the rancor, yeah, was like the same species, right?

Well, she I thought hers came out of her head or a Sokotana, you know, is she the same species?

No, no, I think she's a different species, but that's a good question, Donnie. I don't know. They all have they all goiters people text in, please. They all have pointed goiters. She's a togruta, so not a twilek. So different species with a goiter. With a goiter, with a pointed goiter.

I think you know you've got pigtails, so goiter tails. What is it? I don't know. Um, she's from Chile.

From Chile?

Chile. Chile. S-H-I-L-I.

Not to be confused with Santiago. A whale's vagina. So we're gonna rank 11 movies here, people. We're gonna include Solo and Rogue One, okay, atop of the others. All right, and I'm gonna start it here. So we're gonna go me, Don, and Kevin, and I know that I'm probably gonna have a different answer for number one because I know what everyone's favorite is.

Phantom Metis.

I shall start. Yes, that's it.

How did you know?

I'm gonna start with a new hope at number one to you, Donald. I'm gonna go with a new hope too. Ooh, you always remember your first.

I as well had new hope, and for that reason.

I thought everyone was gonna have Empire.

And there's a good argument for Empire being the best of the movies, but like Don said, you never forget your first. That was that the new hope was the one that changed the world.

Yes, in indeed.

So I think we're all gonna have the same number two. Empire. Empire, Empire, all right, probably the best road in the industry. Yeah.

Next to Godfather One and Two.

Right, the Godfathers are right up there. I do have Return of the Jedi at number three here. Donald to you. Uh this is where I go rogue.

Good, rogue one, yeah, quite literally.

I went Jedi. I was traditional on that.

All right. Well, but there's an argument for all of this list. Is an argument for sure.

At number four, I went rogue one, then I went Jedi because Jedi's right in there, but I snuck rogue ahead of Jedi because I think it's a fucking awesome movie. Yep. If you took the Ewoks out of Jedi, you're correct, Amundo.

So Kev, did I hear your number four? I didn't. I my list is identical to yours, the AJ. All right. So number five, I went Revenge of the Sith. I went solo. I went Sith. AJ, this is scaring me. Yeah. Well, we shall see. Number six, I went to the Force Awakens.

I went Revenge of the Sith. So I'm like kind of one off a US.

I went I went solo.

Okay. So my number seven is solo to you, Donald.

Attack of the Clones was my number seven.

Interesting. Force Awakens was my seven. So again, we're just a little flu.

We're one off, Kev.

I've always been a little off.

My number eight is the last Jedi.

My number eight is the Phantom Menace.

Last Jedi. My number nine is the Rise of Skywalker. We're at nine now. Number nine?

Number nine? Because why do I have I have Rise of Skywalker at nine? I had to double check because I was right at you. Yeah. I have Rise as well. Yeah.

Okay. This is where maybe we'll flip-flop, Kev. Right. My number 10 is a phantom menace. My number 10 is The Last Jedi.

My 10 is Phantom.

Right. And my 11 is Attack of the Clones, the worst Star Wars movie ever fucking made, in my opinion. Go ahead, Dongo.

I have uh The Force Awakens at 11.

Wow.

Wow. Yeah.

I too went with the C-span of Star Wars. Exactly. Should we have a lot of stuff blowing up and some fights and some really let's just let's just have a whole bunch of people sitting around talking about, you know, laws and stuff. That'd be good. Can't we do that? Yeah. Let's let's let's the whole thing will happen in the Senate.

Now it is attack, correct? I'm just yes. Yes. Kevin and I were one flip-flopped. And that is it. So what was it? Was it solo with difficult force?

Like one through four is like solid. And then five through eleven, I don't give a fuck about. I don't give a rat, you know.

Fuck. After I mean, after Rogue One, nothing has a passion to me like those. I'm and you know, there's a lot of stuff in Rogue One that I didn't love, but it was just that prequel of seeing how that happened and was really good. And then, you know, stemming off of that, as far as like side series go, maybe that's why I liked Andor best. Yeah, Andor is great. Yeah.

I think I love that style.

Yeah, I think some of it might have to do with like of the of the three prequels, um Sith obviously was the best of the bunch, as much as it let me down at the time, because it was the bridge between. So, but if you look at Rogue, if you look at Andor, if you look at Sith to a degree, they're limited in scope of what they can do because they have to join. We know what happened before rogue one, and we know what happened after rogue one. So maybe without all that freedom, the writers don't get so fucking goofy and stupid and lost because there's there's some restraints on them. It's like like Pink Floyd in the later days when you know they could go into the studio and spend eight million hours re- and and just not be, you know, that whole trying to recreate something of artist being left unleashed where they don't have a producer to go like, yeah, you need to come a little bit.

Right, right. So you can the guardrails, yeah. Yes, yes.

You got the guardrails with with Rogue One, you got the guardrails with Sith, right? You got the guardrails with with um with Andor, and even the even the um That's a perfect call, Kev. The Obi Obi-Wan to hold you in, which I thought was good, and to a lesser degree, the Mandalorian and and the Boba Fett were at least watchables.

I thought Mandalorian was really good at first.

There was a couple of Mandalorian Mandalorian episodes where it looked like a Saturday morning cartoon, right?

Right.

It just like when they when all of a sudden they had the gang, the kids that had like each of them had a distinct bright color, and they were riding around on like bicycles, but some kind of land speeder, even to the point where they smashed into a fruit stand.

And I'm like, what the you know, that was what are you doing? Right, exactly.

Like Star Wars was the good guy wears white, the bad guy wears black. It was a western, it was just gonna evil, it was simple. People love that shit. Keep it simple, right? And Empire was an amazing follow-up to that, like yeah, just added a little drama to it, added a little cliffhanger to it. Nope. And then it just got money. It money just it's I will say though, and like you said, with the ewalks and getting kids and merchandise and all that shit. It became a machine after that.

Yeah, I gotta say though, the reason I didn't have Rogue One above return for me is I went with I went with DeGee Donald and Bobby his dad. And that's the first movie I saw in the movie theater, Star Wars wise, and the first movie I saw in the theater with the entire fucking place cheering. Like back then when I mean I remember Rocky IV seeing that just I don't remember too many movies where they did that, but you know, just Star Wars was one, you know, waiting in line, like having to wait in line in line and hoping they weren't gonna sell out before you got in, and then fucking like just the crowd going nuts, like the people applauding applauding, like that's just a fucking feeling, and nobody oh did I wonder if they got that on the remake of Red Dawn or the Karate Kid? I'm sorry, I get anyway.

Well, you know, it's it's when when they do those things, it's like why don't you you you wrote a totally different movie, so why are you putting that label on it? Just call it call it what it is shitty remake of Red Dawn, you know, whatever. Get give it a name, but why do you have to sell it what was just remake a movie because they can't write anymore?

Nobody can that would be blasphemy, blasphemy.

It's all blasphemy, even those cheesier movies I mentioned. That's blasphemy.

Like I don't think I can sit still for that. If somebody, if they if they actually came out in my lifetime and said they were gonna remake The Godfather, I would be like I would boycott it. The production company to be like, you you need to stop, you need to not do this, leave it alone. Which is interesting, and it brings it to the case.

I will shake my fist at you class intellectual kind of like Andor and Rogue One is kind of an a nice way to remake the first three, you know, the episode one, uh, which is Phantom Menace, um, Attack of the Clones, and right, right, right. They could have done something. So Andor and Rogue One are is kind of a nice way to rewrite the canon in a in a way that doesn't like it's not remaking the movies or doing it over, but it's kind of like storytelling in those.

That's the thing, and that's what when you look at the the other ones Force Awakening is Star Wars, really.

Yeah, yeah, you know, yeah, and I get it, it is way too he got way too political, and how the revolution and like manipulation and all that, it was like way too much, like too deep, too with the entertainment. Yeah, kind of Game of Thrones was the same way, but Game of Thrones had improved it with dialogue and and and acting, and but right unfortunately in the Star Wars prequels, they they lost it with acting, like the acting sucked. Like in the first, like this is where I wanted to talk with you guys about. Like, when I watched The Phantom Menace, I was like, Yeah, cool, we got a new movie coming out, and in the first five minutes of watching it, I'm like, Oh my god, it's like a cartoon, it's the terrible acting. The robots that you were talking about were terrible. It's like this sucks. Star Wars did not put any thought or effort into it, you know.

And it's a good example how you can fucking take a good actor and fucking ruin them. Yeah, like like you and McGregor, fucking Liam Neeson. Like, you know what I mean? They're fucking he was like Oscar Sheart.

It was like, are you serious? This is terrible. It was like, this sucks.

It was and I've said it before. I think bad casting, yeah.

Um, I've said it before, and I think personally the the arc of the whole Star Wars thing is you know, we we saw a new hope and it changed our lives.

Yeah, and then Empire was just took it to another level, right?

And then Jedi, of course, came in with it, but we were invested as kids, we were invested in in the fucking franchise, Leia, uh Han, yeah, R2 and C3PO, and and uh uh the Wookiee there, uh Chewbacca. And so that you know you go back to then then Phantom comes out, and you're like, okay, so we're gonna get the backstory of Anakin of whatever. So, you know, they made it a little goofy and whatever else. So now it's been what we're we're in 2000, right? And then you get Attack of the Clones, but so so we go through, we get our minds blown in the 70s and 80s, right? And then in 2000, meh. So now as seven, eight, and nine, we're like, okay, so now we did a lifetime, right, right, and sat through this gobbledygook that's the prequels. All right, now show me what happens to my heroes. Let's fix it up, fucking kill them in the lamest fucking way possible. Oh, yeah, it's terrible so that you can bring in right, Han gets killed by his politically correct characters for a new generation.

It's like villain, yeah, fucking layout. Yeah, it was terrible. Yeah, just I the the last three, the most recent three. I I only watched them once, maybe twice, so that's why I can't speak to them that much because I I I watched them and I was like, This is terrible.

Kevin and I couldn't even differentiate between the last two. We couldn't remember which was like complete shit. Yeah, there's like one little JJ Abros.

If you're listening out there, you did shit work. You suck. It's too bad, right? You know, and that's was great, but you after that you suck.

Yeah, that's why a lot of people fucking say the end of Game of Thrones failed.

Yeah.

Is that JJ I is it JJ Weiss and the guys that wrote it, yeah, were they claimed like to have rushed the ending of Game of Thrones because they were the ones doing the new Star Wars movie, and then after Game of Thrones bombed at the end because it sucked, they lost that gig. So it's like kind of fucking they screwed themselves by rushing that, but it's too bad because man, if they took that writing from those first three or four seasons and put it in to Star Wars, yeah, it would have been one through three of Game of Thrones into yeah, amazing. Yeah, some of the best writing in history.

And I have heard them talk about another movie in the canon, like 10, like making that, and right my my ultimate fear is that 10, like with Bo Derek, a total another storyline, like uh 10, 11, 12.

Yeah, it's not you know, it's it's yeah, another alternate universe, same canon, but and at this point, my fear line, it'll be it'll be written directly and produced by Taylor Sheridan, right? Right.

Yeah, yeah. I I know it's we're doomed for shit now, you know. We're doomed for like corporate just whatever can sell money, and yeah.

Well, like I said, the Andor and and some of the other stuff gave me faith, you know, it restored me to the world. Andor's great, yeah, but they haven't, where is it? It's been two almost three years now. I know I don't know where there is another one coming. Yeah, and Mandalorian was absolutely huge. You're telling me they didn't make a billion dollars on those stuff little grogu mothers, fucking Grogu dolls, right?

Make me another fucking episode, right? I mean, right, exactly.

It's like get to work, people they made they work everything they make good, they fucking stop and just try to grow on it.

It's uh yeah, well, isn't it all John Favreau now, anyway? Yeah, it was okay. Like, I don't mind Favreau, but man, think of the money that dude must have because he was like all the universe, and now he's doing all the I mean that dude must be loaded, raking it in.

So did I do want to I don't remember, I thought we talked about droids, but did we all pick R2D2 for our favorite droid? We didn't have a favorite droid category, we did not because I think it would all be, I would certainly be R2, yeah. R2's a cool well. I'm just gonna I want to go into that as an honor.

I think the story's about him anyway.

Right? Yeah, yeah.

Think about it, they're the only ones in every right.

And how did freaking Hayden Christians not know, or you know, how did Miserable he didn't know that he made those freaking joys, you know?

Yeah, yeah, that it there were so many tie-ins that fucking just plot holes, yeah. Plot holes galore. You could have drove a truck into them.

Uh I do, I will say that I don't think I think R2's acting was much more warm and natural than Him Christensen's.

Yeah, and he was much more useful. How can R2 fly in the early episodes, but doesn't did he did it? Or vice versa. Did he wear down? You know, like yeah, exactly.

Was he getting old? Awesome boys. Well, that was a fucking super fun episode, and this is an episode that we will dive into over and over and over. So we are just happy that you're here to listen. And Don Go, thank you very much.

Thanks, everyone. It was very fun. Yes, Kevin.

AJ, thank you, thank you, Donald. It uh it's scratching the surface. So I think we waited for a while before we even dipped our toe into the Star Wars universe. But I think any of these things could be long play extended dance mixed type.

Absolutely, and you will all see out there that we are not like you know, we don't bend over backwards for these writers and whatnot. We say what we feel on Star Wars because man, does most of it suck. But just to move in on the good stuff, so how we could write it ten times better.

Yeah, just give us a chance.

That could definitely be an episode where we just dissect and like scrape to one side the good stuff and just like yeah, like that would be a great and gristle reading.

Good stuff on one, bad stuff on the other. I think that's a good one.

Yeah, awesome. All right, boys. Well, we are out of the way.