Best Movie One-Liners of All Time, Ranked

Come on, let's put the shirts back.

Shirts um no shirt, no shoes, no learn it.

Know it. Live it. Well hot.

Hey y'all, welcome to another episode of Past Times at 80s High. Got another fun one for you today. We are actually gonna do, it's a little off the cuff, we're gonna do our favorite one-liners, which I'm sure we're gonna come at this one with many different angles. But first and foremost, let me introduce the boys as always. Dungo. Hey, what's happening? Hello, Ice Hole. Brother Mark. Hey, how you doing, peeps? Good, good, good, good. And Kevin. Hello. Hello there. And I am AJ. And I think this one's gonna be fun, boys. Absolutely. But of course, as always, we like to do a few things before we get going right out of the gate. And that is a little shout-out if we have them. And do we have them this week, boys?

We certainly do have some shout-outs. Um, I want to start with, and I'm gonna butcher this, Valor Tamil Nadu. Very much like my last name, but not exactly. About 500,000 people in southern India. We've got Hayes, Kansas, which is a little bit uh northeast of Dodge City, and there's about 21,000 folks out there. How are you doing, folks? And Punto Fijo Falcone, about 300,000 people on an island or possibly peninsula in the north of Venezuela, which is so cool. Um, also on the socials, uh Mark Stenger317 has been giving us a lot of uh a lot of thumbs up and uh liking our stuff, and that's kind of cool. So thank you, Mark. Awesome. And I also hear that uh Dongo has some shout-outs to give for us today.

Yeah, I got a trio of sisters from New Hampshire, uh Meredith, Addison, and Sydney. Trio of sisters that uh love listening to a show. I work with their mom, Morgan, and she puts it on when she's taking them to school. And Meredith is working on a school project. She's working on uh possibly doing a podcast for a school project, and she's listening to our show to get some kind of insight on it. But she's listening to the wrong show. No, I mean, you know, we told them we're not, you know, we might get a little R-rated at a time, but uh, you know. Yeah, awesome. That's cool. They like it, they like it a lot. So cool.

That's great to hear. Awesome. Thank you all out there. That's yes that's incredible.

Yeah, you know, if anyone has any equipment questions or anything like that, yeah, you know, yeah, we'll definitely uh, you know, maybe we'll zoom them in sometime and and uh you know do 20 minutes or something.

We're gonna have to start seeping out some of our words, right?

Right, right. Cool. Do as we say, not as we do. Correct a mundo.

Right. All right. Well, like we always do, uh, we'll get going out of the gate. I do have the honors. However, before we do kick this off, we would like to dedicate this episode to my and Mark's dear brother, David, um, who passed away seven years ago today.

That's right.

Yep.

And um it's actually the perfect episode because so many of these things that I'm sure at least Mark and I, and maybe even Donnie are going to say were things that he would say through our growing up. So, yes, to Brother David, uh cheers, everyone. If anyone else has a beverage out there, all right.

Cheers, brother.

So, with that being said, the angle I'm gonna take, because we have been mentioning certain angles that we've been taking lately, which I think's been a lot of fun, you know, with people coming at it that way. Mine is from my childhood. Like, I'm not saying some of these may not have been used in film or by a comedian or television by any means, but to my knowledge, these are just things I said growing up. So I'm gonna lead off with this the first one that I pick today is the only one on my list that is actually not from my dad, but my friend's father said it. And it's pretty basic, and it's just there's something I really like about that girl. I just can't put my finger on it. And that's that is that Ellsworth? That wasn't Elsewhere. No, it's not Ellsworth, it's actually my buddy Mike's dad, Ernest. And it just, I'll never forget hearing it for the first time, and it just struck me so friggin' funny, you know, just out of the gate, because because it didn't click necessarily at first, and then it didn't take long, mind you, but but that's a fucking good one.

Yeah, I can't put my finger on it.

But anyway, off to you, dongo.

Yeah, I mean, this was it was uh at first I was like, oh, we're gonna have a a thousand of these, and then I kind of was like overthinking it a little bit because it bled into like movie quotes a lot. So I I dug a lot of mine from movie quotes because I knew we'd have some from our childhood with you and and dad and all those. So I held off of those and I stuck with movie quotes, but I did do a couple from uh my past experiences. So I'll start with one from a past experience and and I'll tie it in with um there's like a recent movie that's very similar. So I I am a EMT paramedic, um, fire-based EMS service, and we we do have ambulances. And one of our older paramedics who's no longer with the department I'm on, uh, used to say the cot is for sick people. So in in setting that up, you know, sometimes people call ambulances and there's really no need for an ambulance. Like they can very well get to the hospital by themselves, either by cab or private vehicle, or walk, or you know, there's there's many different ways you can get to the emergency room. Uh, some people like to call 911 because they believe it it gets them in the door quicker, which is not true, people. So if you call 911 and you are not sick, then you're gonna get wheeled out into the waiting room with everybody else that's in the waiting room. True. And you don't get ahead of the line in any way. So just that's my public service announcement. But uh just get a big bill. So we'd be walking this a person out of the house, and this like he was a grisly old paramedic, kind of burnt out. And uh, you know, they would go to the stretcher in the ambulance and he'd be like, Nope, nope, nope, cots for sick people. You're sitting right there, and he'd put them on like the bench seat, so they'd be sitting in a seat. And little did they know that you know they're gonna get a bill for you know a thousand bucks, give or take. Uh I don't know what it costs, but sometimes people don't care what it costs because they're not gonna pay the bill, anyways. But I digress with that. But it's very poignant, is there's a movie out right now uh called Code 3 with Rain Wilson, and it is very similar. The character is very similar to the to the guy that used to say that. His name's Jeff. I don't want to use his last name for his his uh safety. Um very good paramedic, very, very good, smart. Um, had just been doing it way too long, and and I think that's what the the Rain Wilson in the Code 3 movie portrays that very well is that people get burned out after a while and you know they they start to lose the filter.

Heart attack, car accident, fork in the toaster, or peanut allergy. 20 bucks that he's gonna be butt ass naked. Uh, there you have it. It's a draw. Shirt, no pants. That's like uh money the poo.

I should mention at this point that you're all going to die.

Yeah, cot is for sick people. Cot is for sick.

I like that. I know.

Didn't Nick Cage do a dark kind of story about that? Um, bring out your dad, bringing out the dad or something where he was uh EMT.

Yeah, there's there's a lot out there where it goes into the you know the depths of burnout because it's not all about you know seeing gory things, which everybody sees gory stuff, and you know, you see tragedy in people's lives, but this there's a lot of like mundane stuff that also works, wears you down too.

Yeah, get go into the same series of addresses every Friday night following the the drug dealer as everybody ODs. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, I can see that being problematic.

Yeah.

All right, Kevin, that's to you. All right. So again, I thought about all the different ways, and I think it's cool that we all kind of like have a different way to narrow down to what is for us the the meat of the subjects lately. Um, one fella came to mind immediately from my early days in the in the bar business. We called him Reverend Rick, the guy would stand at the end of the bar. He would literally drink a case of beer in a day, and and really not show much signs of it. I mean, he'd occasionally the liquor investigator would come in and he'd talk to her, and she had no idea that he had a case of Budweiser in him. He was a very extremely intelligent guy, but had no, he was callous. He would say things that we would just go, oh my god. Did he just say that in public out loud? And and the best example of that is not a one-liner, just an example of who this guy was. And there were many reasons why he was the way he was. But we used to have a lot of heavy set girls come into the bar, and for some reason they they all drank white Russians back in that time, the late 80s, early 90s. And this one girl, she was this one girl, she had a beautiful face, but you could literally, I mean, the joke you could set a case of beer on her backside. She literally was shaped like this, and this wasn't as common as it is today, but a nice lady, beautiful, and I make I shake up the white Russian and I'm handing it to her, and I'm looking her in the eye, and I think her hand is even on the glass at the same time. I'm looking her at the eye, and her digital watch goes, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. And Ricky yells out, look out, she's backing up, and I'm frozen. I'm like 20 years old, and I'm looking this beautiful woman in the face. I'm like, and so she finally just let me off the hook. She goes, It's okay, honey, I know I'm fat. And I was just like devastated because it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. But I'm looking right at the person that he's like callously offending. So um, like I said, Rick, Ricky was a he was a great guy, but not understood by many. Um, so all of mine today are dedicated to him because I hear them in my head all day long, and some of them I say out loud, most of them I censor because you must. Because I know that they should be censored. But I'm gonna start you guys right off and break the ice with a Ricky. No wonder I was sick. I had a belly full of puke.

Honestly. That's spectacular.

I've had a belly full of humanity. There's more to come, but that gives you a little bit of a little bit of where Ricky's humor was. And uh it was hard not to blurt out laughing when he said it. Even the five millionth time that he said things, it was still kind of like, oh my god.

Stomach, all right, that's it. Everyone, get out. Hey, hey, hey, oh, what are you doing? Not that way, the way he came in. Let's go. Let's go, Hammond Eggs, everybody out.

Yeah, he held his mud pretty good. He really did. The only time that the only time that I actually saw him get sick or heard of him getting sick is a road trip where Rumpelmins, I mean, he was a beer drinker, but somebody bought a uh a bottle of rumpelmins, and I believe, and he I mean he wasn't the kind of guy that got sick all the time, but I believe that he threw up into the um toll booth um the coin toss bucket that we used to have. Which means he was the driver. No, no, no, he was in the passenger seat in the back. Thank God. He ran out and threw up in the driver was the chief of police, actually.

Oh, geez. Oh my god.

Who shall remain nameless? Apparently, yeah. He's retired by now. But anyway, so that's that's that's your introduction to Ricky. More to come.

Awesome, man.

All right, Mark, that's to you. All right. Well, mine are gonna be kind of all over the place, but this one uh goes like this. Hello? Mr. Blackhead? Sorry, wrong zek! Oh, geez, this is the David one.

Yes, I do. Dedicated to Brother David because it was such a bad joke.

I understand that. We were like, I mean, we were drinking those free, I mean, three dollar beers downstairs. We were running back up to the hotel room, having the time. I mean, it was at the KISS convention.

I know exactly where it was. I have a video of that somewhere.

Yeah, it was in 1995, it was a great day, and I just I he was so proud of himself. He was so happy with himself, and that just like made me so happy because that's how I am when I say a stupid joke. I sometimes I say the joke to please myself. And you could tell he was doing it for his own good, and I loved him for it. It was so fun. I mean, yes, I mean there were there may have been some other uh herbs involved that night, but uh it was just such a fun day, and it's a memory that I'll always have, and uh and what a day for said memory, brother. Exactly. So that that's what I went with.

Awesome.

He was speaking into a hairdryer.

That's a hairdryer. See if you can guess what I am now. I'm a zit. Get it? All right, sorry, wrong zip.

This comes back to me, and because this is gonna be a quick episode, maybe this will be a fitting line, but it's just something my dad used to always say, and it's not gonna make sense to anyone out there but me, but I had to throw it in. Like the armadillo that had his tail cut off said, it won't be long now. And that's it. That's a one-liner to me, and that's why I feel like this list will be all over the place because it's just so random. It won't be long now, and that's it, and I'll lead it to you, Dongo, unless anyone else has to say about it.

I just love those. I mean, that's that's the the whole thing is that you just there's no big setup, there's nothing, and it's just like bang, right there, and it's and then you go, Oh, you know what I mean? It should it should be a time joke a little bit the first time you hear it. It should take you a second to just put the pieces together and then and then it hits you.

Exactly. I will say there's a couple where I might have to just you know say a line beforehand to make sense of it or whatnot, but yeah, that's a one-liner folks.

Some of them are situational for sure.

Absolutely.

So I'm gonna dig into the movies because I I'm a big movie guy and I I like to uh pull these quotes out all the time out of my ass. And uh this one's from the movie Anchorman, and it's when Paul Rudd and his character says 60% of the time it works every time. Yes, I love that. He was talking about his cologne Sex Panther.

Such a great line. Yes, it is. Uh absolutely. Oh, the first thing that Will Farrell says when he says it, he goes, That doesn't make sense.

She gets a special cologne. It's called Sex Panther by Odion. It's illegal in nine countries. Yep. It's made with bits of real panther. So you know it's good. It's quite pungent.

Oh yeah. It's a formidable scent. Stings the nostrils in a good way. Yeah.

Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline. They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time it works every time. That doesn't make sense.

Which is great because he's the daftest person on the world.

Exactly, exactly. Right. But he picked up on Santiago. A whale's vagina.

Oh, too far.

Oh, great one, Dongo. Right, Kevin.

All right, rolling on with our buddy Ricky here, Reverend Rick. The Ricky show. The Rickstar. He he would uh, as you can imagine, with the amount of beer that he drank, he wasn't patient if the bar was busy. He did feel like he should be taken care of and never be empty. So if he did, and it didn't happen much with me, because I was pretty on top of my game back then, but I I heard it a few times and I saw it with other people. If Rick had to wait for his beer, he'd say, Well, this would be a hell of a place to open a bar.

Fixing bars is easy. Fixing people is tough.

Is that a line? Yeah, which is so insulting. Very, very two said bartender. Exactly. I mean, you get people five deep at the bar and you're hustling and you're throwing, and you're you know, you're doing all this shit. Hey, this would be a hell of a place to open a bar.

Chill out or get out. I don't go to your bar and act like a still alive.

No, no, we lost him a couple years ago. Actually, he I think you'd get the humor in it. If he used to make fun of the hospital where I grew up, he said, and this was not on my list, but it's one of the ones he said, is they treated a guy for yellow jaundice for three months before they realized he was Chinese. And sadly, I think he passed in that hospital from malpractice. He stepped on a nail, got tetanus, they had to amputate his leg, and then something else happened. I don't know if it was Mercer or something like that, but yeah, it's been three, four years now. It's kind of sad, but he was the kind of guy that would have found humor in that as well. So and and God bless him and thank God he was one of a kind. He he really he was about 6'2, probably like you know, 250 or so, not fat, but stocky, and just unavoidable. He never sat down, he always leaned on the corner of the bar and spoke like he was pontificating to the crowd. The reverence, right? And it was and it was all callous and and rude and hilarious.

Sounds like you hear a backstory of someone like that, and it's like you know, was he in you know Vietnam or you know on the shores of D-Day, you know, something like that kind of thing, you know.

Well, I I think he was he like I said, super intelligent, yeah, but I I think he was very affected by the loss of his mother, and and I think that he was kind of you know, the what's the saying uh uh suffer fools. I think everything felt like suffering fools to him because his brain worked on a different level.

Robin Williams and guys like that that are they they're laughing all the time, but deep down they're really hurting inside. Oh, big time.

Exactly.

Yep, a great line, though.

All right, brother Mark. To what? To what? What's a ute? The two what? Yes, we're talking about my cousin Vinny, Judge Chamberlain Holler. All I can say is that is my guy Fred Gwynn. And yeah, I mean, I you speak of dad. He he uh he spoke of those lines very many times, and uh Peshi's like youth.

Is it possible?

The two youths.

Uh to what uh what was that word? Uh what word? To what what did you say youth? Yeah, two ute. What is a youth? Oh excuse me, Yohan. Two youths.

You know, he was genuinely uh he didn't know what to uh think about that.

So mom loved that line too. Oh, mom did? Oh, big time. Mom loved that movie. That's the first time where I witnessed our mum laugh at inappropriate things, if you will. You know, because this is my dear sweet mummy who never swore, never watched anything like that. And when he was in the cell, like hitting on Ralph Macchio was asleep, and his buddy was awake, and everything Joe Pesci was saying in the cell was leading on to him basically ass raping this guy. And he's like, it doesn't matter. I mean, no, any way you slice it here, somebody's getting fucked. And mom's just laughing her ass off. I'm like, wow, I've never seen Perky Peg laugh at something like that.

I still think one of the most underrated scenes of that was was the other kid's attorney.

Oh ladies and gentlemen of the uh on January 4th of this year, my client did indeed of Is it a sack of studs? Um convenience dog.

Oh my god, you feel like that's what a public defender is gonna be. Right, right, right. Yeah, exactly. Bottom of the barrel.

Some guy that can't get his He's spectacular, that dude. Yes. All right. That's awesome. Where am I at here? Oh boy. I know I'm going between my backups and my list here. I don't know where I'm at, but I'm sticking with the old daddy oh. Look at that girl over there. She could make a train take a dirt road.

I was gonna I wanted to use that one, you know, but I didn't. But that was a classic. I still use that all the time. Oh my god, that just face that would make a train take a dirt road.

Exactly. And that's just a thought process that you have to see this train literally pulling off the tracks like derailing, dirt road and not going any further.

I am taking a turn and going down this other road. Oh my god, because that person is so hideous.

I couldn't help but stop and stare when I saw her standing there.

Off she could make a fray, train, take the road.

That is an ugly girl.

A lot of mine are gonna go towards certain scenarios of whether it's ugliness, heat, cold, you know what I mean.

Just all right, don't go. All right, so I'm gonna I'm sticking with movies, but I'm gonna tie it in personally. So as a EMT paramedic, and I do am uh I'm kind of in the supervisory role now, and we QA calls where you know we do cardiac arrests and and all kinds of stuff, and despite our best efforts, some people die, right? We can do everything right, and people are still gonna die. And oftentimes this is because and in the in the movie old school, Vince Vaughn was uh kind of consoling Luke Wilson when he's like, damn it, blue is old. That's what old people do. Old people die. Yeah, you know, so that's a quote. That's what old people do, they die. You're my boys, blue! And you know, people out there might not understand that humor, like the gallows humor, but you know, sometimes that's what you you know, old people do, they fucking die, right?

You gotta live it, right?

Right, right.

Yeah, but please don't beat yourself up with this thing, bitch. It's not your fault. Oh damn it, blue is old. That's what old people do, they die.

Joey, who was uh obviously in the same business, I said, what did he die from? Too many birthdays as well.

Right, right, you know, and it you know, and if it you know I can embark any wisdom on any listeners out there, it's like just live every day like it's your last. Like, like, you know, life is short. Don't sweat the small stuff, right?

We're not here for a long time, right? We're here for a good time, right?

That's right. All right, Kev.

All right, that that was not my that wasn't your quote. That was not a Ricky at all. Um now this one I'm sure everybody's heard before, but being a young man and maybe a little naive as I first stepped behind the pine in in the um in the cantina from Star Wars, the place that I worked at was very similar to that.

We don't serve their kind here.

Lots of fights, drugs, blood, whatever else. And and I kind of came in as a youngster in my late teens, early twenties. And so Ricky was the one that introduced me to the old saying that if you're looking for sympathy, you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. And I did look it up that night.

And then it was there.

And it's does it land between those two? Yeah, and it does. Is it like a page and a half, or is it like really close?

F-H S-Y, right? S-Y-M-S-Y-P, right? So, yes, it does fall between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. It's not just a one liner, it's a fact. It's a fact, exactly. I think that was probably in response to me like cutting my finger half off or something like that in the middle of a busy night.

You want sympathy, Kevin? You look between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

I'm doing the best I can, Rick. I just cut my finger off. You're looking for sympathy. It's right between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

Moss I speaking of Moss Iceland, I left a quote out from that one. But anyway, brother Mark, that's to you.

All right, I'm going. Uh, my number five pick here is when my wife has sex, she's a screamer, especially when I walk in on her.

He's a classic one-liner.

Yeah. Oh, I mean, obviously the biggest one is no respect, as everybody knows. But uh, I that just one struck me as so funny.

Oh, absolutely. But I'll tell you what, when my wife does have sex, she screams. Oh, especially when I walk in on her.

She told me I was one in a million when I met her. Now that we're married, she wasn't kidding. All right, stop before I walk on anybody. All right. I can do Rodney all day long. I'd love Rodney. He's a hero.

I love him for sure. So this is another one for me. We are up to number four here, if I'm not mistaken. This one to me is so basic. Some people may find it funny, some may not. It's just important to me for a certain reason. And it's I'll never forget old what's her name.

I knew it.

I knew it.

Yep. I use that one a lot too.

So do I. I always use it.

Yeah. It's just spectacular. It's just fucking funny.

Oh, too funny. I love it. Never forget old what's her name.

And ever since she went away, my life ain't been the same.

Oh, I'll never forget old what's her name.

I'm taking pride in my shortness today, boys. So I will go to you, Don.

Do you wait, wait, before you move on. Before you move on, do you know where that I have no idea. Do you know where that originated? Was that something your old man said?

Oh, to me, it's my dad.

Yeah, name here. I don't think I'd ever heard it until uh until I heard it from you. And I use it all the time too. I I absolutely love, especially as I'm growing older and get more forgetful.

It might have been my uncle Clinton telling my dad, but either way.

All right, so this one is from the 1989 Batman movie. Uh-huh. And Jack says, This town needs an enema.

Yes. The one lineass. That's awesome.

He's discussing, you know, um, he's discussing the Batman. And part of discussing that, he's like, This town needs an enema, like just out of nowhere.

Batman. Batman. Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in? We're a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my prints. This town needs an enema.

To me, right now, it's like this Congress in the United States, and I we don't like to get into politics, but this Congress needs an enema. We need to flush it out. Our entire government needs an enema. Yeah, I don't like to get political, but both sides. I think that everyone would agree on that.

No parties at all.

535 people ruining the lives of 7.9 billion. Billion, yeah. Yeah.

So good one gone.

Yeah.

All right, Tor.

All right, you ready?

Meanwhile.

This is one of those ones that I mean, again, I I've warned you, I've led you into it. Ricky was inappropriate 99.9% of the time. Ricky didn't really, I mean, he he he lived alone most of the time that I knew him. He did have a girlfriend on and off, and and I think when he passed, he was he was in a relationship with someone. But my point being that most of the time he ate out. He didn't he didn't cook meals, he didn't use his kitchen, he ate restaurant food or takeout. Um needless to say, that coupled with a case of beer a day, when he broke wind, um it was dangerous. It was it was dangerous. I don't know if any of you ever watch um spatula slow horse slow horses on Apple.

Um great show, man.

Absolutely great show, and and Lamb Jackson Lamb's character is very, very similar to Ricky in some ways. Sorry about that.

Oh my god. Oh, that was fine. I really think you should see a doctor. Oh, I think you're gonna be lung cancer.

Was that a fart?

Yeah, mostly.

I know what you're doing, Lab.

I'm expelling excess gas. It's the most natural thing in the world.

Um but Ricky would be bag.

Yeah, Ricky would say two things when he broke wind. Uh, if it made a sound, he'd say, Don't worry, that's not gonna smell. Which was a total lie. But the one that I always loved was he would say, Huh, didn't smell like that when I ate it.

Somebody broke wind in here. I've been trying to like not say nothing, but somebody fighted in this motherfucker. That's some long distance fight too, boy. Don't do that. I know you get out with your friends, you have a good time, especially fellas, you know, to play that game, play the fight game, you know. You know, you fight around your fellas and it's funny. Dudes be doing that, they be getting in elevators and fighting and laughing and shit. It's nasty. You play the fight game. I think deep down inside, people want to smell other people's fates. Of course, you smell them. And people always tell you they fighting. They say, I fight in. You don't leave, you pause a second. Yeah, you did.

What did this guy do for work, Kevin? I'm really curious.

He was an electrician and he was damn good. As a matter of fact, I'd I'd work for him on the side when he needed a hand because he works solo, and he'd tell me that we were changing uh big neon uh not neon, but uh um tube lights in a garage. So I'm up on like a 30-foot ladder, and he goes, Hey, if you fall, you're fired before you hit the ground. But I mean, I looked at he was and I'm talking this is mid-90s. He was doing computer networking, he was like I said, super intelligent. And I I thought there was something he had run something like 30 network cables for this law office, and it looked like a ribbon cable. He had run individual cat five wires so tight and straight that it looked like it was a form. I mean, the guy was he was an anomaly. He was he was as rude as could be, but genius level in anything except dealing with humans.

Had to deal with customers, right?

Yeah, well, he could put it on for a minute. Your quote, Kevin, makes me think of our brother Joe, brother-in-law Joey. Um, because every time he rips one, he goes, What? There's no odor. How dare you break one before me?

Anyway.

It was my turn. Uh shit.

And now a short commercial break.

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And I found the bag.

Oh, this is a one-liner that's right. This is a personal one, folks. Right, right.

Yes, Kevin. I okay. There were three things to this one. I I don't know what this I mean. I know, and I saw the footprints leading up to the French door, and I found the bag. Wasn't there one more before that?

Don't lie to me. That I know was one. Yeah.

Oh. But uh, yeah, she found oh, because no, were you guys drinking? No. I mean, I was well old enough.

I mean, I was I bought- You were, but AG and I were not. He was contributing to the delinquency of my exactly.

Oh, so am I gonna get scolded right now?

Just to give the story here, folks, a quick rundown because it's not really a one-liner unless it's explained to you.

Yes.

Dungo and I used to hang out daily and nightly. We'd all hang out in our brother David's room, and Mark would hang out with us occasionally, and occasionally he would purchase booze for us. So Mark bought some and wouldn't you put it on the back deck, correct, brother? Oh, so he has I don't know. All right, my mom caught us, you know, because we had to sneak down, grab it, bring it up to the room, the whole footsteps and everything was just spectacular. And then the whole ending with my dear sweet little mummy saying, and I found the bag.

We didn't clean our evidence up good. We didn't do very good.

I don't think we were that worried either, to be honest. All right, so tree to me. Let's see. Oh, it's fucking hot. Hotter than a beach full of albinos in here. That's it, baby. Think that one through, everyone.

Holy Jesus in heaven. It's a giant Q-tip. Panic! Well, I'm joking with the guy. Bring a little sunshine into his life. Carefully appeal.

Do you need to see a menu?

No, thank you. We've ordered that's it.

Hey, hey, hey! Hold on there, cheese did. Did I miss something?

Don't give us that shit! What you just did to that kid was terrible. Didn't you see the look on his face?

Look a little pale, that's all.

Right. Full of albino. So many of those, like sweating like a freshly fucked fox in a forest. Oh yes, but be careful because these could come up again.

Exactly. But that's why I appreciate this one so much. It's a thought process a little bit. It's harder than a beach full of albinos because you know they can't be out there without clothing on. I hate to have to explain, but everyone gets it, I think.

So off to you, Don. All right. This one's a just a weird out and left field, but I I use this one a lot. Um, it came from the 18 in the 1980s, and it's when George Bappard would always say, I love it when a plan comes together. Yes, I just love that line. I love it when a plan comes together, you know.

I love it when a plan comes together. I love it when a plan comes together.

And he would like light up a cigar. I love the vibe of it. Like they had just done whatever, they always, you know, had some problem they had to fix. And, you know, I love it when a plan comes together and he'd light up his cigar, and that was classic. George, I use that one today.

I I use that all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I and sometimes I use it when things work, and sometimes I use it ironically when everything falls apart. Right, exactly. Yeah.

Plan goes to shit, redo the plan. And you know, there is a thing out there that's like, you know, you just like special forces guys always do that too. You know, they're like doesn't matter.

There are only four rules you need to remember. Make the plan, execute the plan, expect the plan to go off the rails, throw away the plan.

And then you just deal with it, you know, adapt and overcome kind of thing.

Nice. All right. So we got some TV, we got some movies, we got some uh made up fun stories from childhood. I love it. So we're going all over the place here. And that brings us to you, Kev, for number three.

And I've got some more Rick for you.

Nice. Rick.

See my girlfriend, isn't she beautiful? I've seen better heads of cabbage.

Yeah.

Bed ahead. Or lettuce, however, you want to do it.

I was just gonna say, uh, uh buddy of ours, Ben, used to always say that one, but he'd use lettuce.

Yeah, I was gonna say, did he get it from Ricky? Or what did he get that?

Was he a regular at your bar?

Did Ben go to your bar? No, no, no.

Different, different no, I don't think Ben ever would have walked into that place and and it's gone now, and that was a long, long time ago. Different geographical locations. All right, brother. That's number three to you.

You're hit, you're bleeding. I ain't got time to bleed. Yes, that is from that's uh Blaine played by Jesse, the body ventura. And uh, yeah, that that was always a kind of an iconic clip. And uh what movie is that from?

I don't Predator. Some of the bitches dug in like an Alabama tick. You're hit, you're bleeding, man. I ain't got time to bleed. Huh. Okay.

All right, so yeah, that's yeah, it's just uh iconic little uh clip from the movie. I don't think he made it too far into it. He got killed, and you know, he while he was bleeding. So I but uh What an interesting dude.

He's out there. And then a like a professional wrestler and then like a governor? You know, governor, Congress, governor of uh Minnesota. That's called motivation. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

That isn't the conspiracy theory show, and now he's saying that conspiracy theory. None of it's true. And I don't know. He's he's an interesting individual. Will Sasso, the comedian, does a great, great Jesse. Not just the voice, but the things that he says.

You tell me, brother. Jesse was crazy, man. He was like, I was a gov, I was a governor of Minnesota. I was a uh I sold sodas in uh in Orange Grove. He like when everything started to get convoluted, like it was almost like something wrong in the matrix, you know, like he was getting bad intel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He starts he just completely starts glitching. Yeah. Yeah, I was wrestling Bob Backlund at the uh Philadelphia Spec Spectrum, and uh I got a call from Hugo Chavez. Really? At Ringside, yeah. And Vince McMahon said it's you go and so you know, and he was outside the ring, and then I went and took the call. He said, We need you out here. We need I need you to help negotiate with Castro. Are these does this even line up? Time what year was it? It was 1982. When do you think it was? I don't fucking know. Yeah, he does that shit. When do you think it was? Yeah, when do you why don't you tell me? That's what I always why well why don't you tell me if you're such a patriot? I don't know. I don't know. I wasn't I was a Navy C I understand. Well, why don't you tell me? Were you there in the You were there in the jungles of Laos? No. You're not Laotian. I thought I read that about you on Wikipedia. No, I don't what do you like? Do you like orange soda or would you like a Mr. Pibb?

What uh where did that come from? Where what did the CIA do on Tuesday the 27th? You tell me. You listen to me, gorilla.

Yeah, he wasn't a great wrestler either. He he was more of a talker.

Was he a heel or was he a good guy? Usually was a heel.

Never a face. Yeah, he was always a heel. Yeah. Yeah.

One of the best announcers, in my opinion. Oh no.

No, he was a great talker.

He was awesome.

Great personality. So that was my what? We're going, we're down to our last two picks, right?

We're going to number two right now. No shit. All right. See that guy's fucking teeth over there? He could eat French fries out of a ketchup bottle.

The guy that won the biggest lottery ever. $350 million. Mm-hmm. And he takes pride in the fact that he's never changed. Like he still goes to work every day. He still drives the same car. And he still doesn't have any teeth. What? Yeah. Now, I don't know about you guys, but if I had $350 million, I'd be buying other people teeth. All right. I'd just walk down the streets and be like, hey, smile. Want some teeth? It's on me. Speaking as a guy with a full set of chompers, I can tell you that having teeth is totally awesome. And if you only have $15, you should use that money as a down payment for teeth. Off to you, Don.

That's all I'm doing. I'm running my quote going to you. But now pissing up.

I know who that wait a second, wait a second. You gotta tell us where that came from.

My dad, every one of these came from my dad. Oh, okay.

Dad and Ricky, and then me and Donnie are doing so.

We can call these Rickies, we can call them salties. Right? Like Salty Rick. I mean, these are all things that actually my number one came from my dad's coworker. We'll get there later.

Oh god. Yeah. Oh my god. If it's the one I think it is, oh my god.

This is one that I did gather from a search, you know, on AI or Google or you know, whatever search platform you use as far as like the classic one-liners. And this one like made me laugh when I saw it from the movie When Harry Met Sally. And it's a scene where you know Meg Ryan is is faking an orgasm. Love that in a restaurant. You know, she's just faking it. And I remember this. Now we learn, you know, men, we learn that women fake orgasms, and she does a beautiful job of it. And then the person in the table next next to her goes, I'll have what she's having.

I'll have what you seven. Yeah. Is that the quote?

No, that's just a classic line, you know, like I'll have what she's having.

Right. That's right. I forgot. You're a man. Nothing. Just that all men are sure it never happened to them, and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.

You don't think that I can tell the difference?

You know, uh it was just so funny, you know. Uh it is true. I mean, hey, we gotta we gotta face our reality that you know we may not come to the table fully performing all the time. We all fail.

Well, we have other things to finish them, you know.

I mean, yeah, it's not good. But you know, that's just it to me, it was a very real and genuine, like that. Like some people like you look at the internet, and you know, the the goodness of the internet is humor. Like everyday people can have some really funny responses. Whenever there's something out there posted, people will comment, and it's it's amazing how funny people are, and that kind of reminded me of that. Where just everyday people like, oh, I'll have what she said. Exactly. Come up with the off-the-cuff humor kind of thing.

Those are the good people, too, right? Like, right, just enjoy life and say shit like that. You know what I mean? That's fine. That's funny.

Wasn't the actress that said the line, wasn't that Rob Reiner's mother or something like that? Yeah, I think it was. I know that it was I think it was the director's mom that that said the line, which is perfect because it's yeah, and it's been replicated in ads and whatever else. Yeah, it's epic. Yeah, epic. What a what a great line. All right, Kev. All right. Well, I had forgotten this one. I've been trying to remember all week some of these Rickyisms that that just were like flying at you a hundred times a day for over a decade. Um, but your dirt road, your train on the dirt road reminded me of your breath would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.

Yes. That's on my list. My scratch list.

Wait a minute, is that is that your quote?

Yeah.

Okay. Is that a right?

No, I was saying it to AJ. So bad I can smell it over the internet.

Oh, dad used to call us medicine men.

Medicine. But Kevin, yes, that was one my dad always used too. So clearly he didn't invent them all.

No, no. No, but he had a way of saying it that just made it his own.

Do you mind if I sit back a little bit? Because your breath is very bad. It really is. Has this ever been told to you before? No. Huh? Okay, then it won't bother. Actually, like that's how you get the edge.

So are we going to meet? Yes, brother, take it away.

All right. Two mistakes. It's Mr. Backlund, and I resent the term former. I resent the term former. Bob Backlund, no, I mean, timeout. Mr. Backlund came back to the WWF in the uh 93 or so, and he turned heel, and he was such an incredible heel, such an underrated time, such an under underrated character. And um, did you guys do any of you guys remember Mr. Backlund?

I remember him greatly, but I'm waiting for your quote.

Two mistakes. It's Mr. Backlund, and I resent the term. I resent it.

Bob Backlund. Don't be afraid, Bob. I'm gonna be your friend. I know what those hands have done lately, and I'm willing to take my chances. Okay.

Bob, you have undergone two mistakes. It's Mr. Backlin, and I resent the term former. I resent the term warmer.

Mr. Packlan. That was my quote. He was in the uh on the hot heartbreak hotel with that dirtbag Shawn Michaels and uh Big Daddy Cool Diesel. And uh he he just stole the show. And I mean, he was just such a great heel. What he did, he was pretty much the uh um goody two shoes, howdy doody, whatever. Oh no, I mean, all American guy in the early 80s, late 70s, early 80s, and he came back and uh you know he he didn't change. It was your society that changed. It was you people out there, I worry about you people, and you change, he didn't change.

What happened in your life that turned you the way you are now? Why do you have so much contempt? Are you saying I changed? Well, I think so. I was trying to do good things as Bob Backlund, but Bob Backlund, the people don't listen to Bob Backlund, they don't care about Bob Backlund. I didn't change. You changed.

Yeah, but you started changing the way you treated your children. You started smoking marijuana with them, you started lying, cheating, and swelling. I didn't change, you did. I blame the problems in our society on you because you made us weaker. And my intention is to make sure that you build this society back. And you're gonna have to do it. Take some responsibility. You call that bad, sir. What is that about that? Want your children to grow up with an education? That's where you should be bringing them, not to put them in an institution. Train them, work them, don't party with them. No lying, no cheating, and no swearing. That's what I'm about. Is that bad?

So I'm telling you, he he he was still a sea of morality!

Alright, so we're we're gonna kick into wrestling here, but um unfortunately today he has dementia, which is really sad, but uh he he he was just it's when I loved him, he was a good guy. That's before I turned heel, like back in the early 80s.

No, I mean he he uh he just did an incredible job with it. What he was trying to say there is that dirtbag, not dirtbag, but jerk Arnold Skolin threw in the towel. You don't lose a title when a towel enters the ring by pinfall and submission. And ironically, he beat Bret Hart when Owen Hart, God rest his soul, um, convinced his parents to throw the towel in the ring. So but I I mean I I would highly suggest anyone in our audience to go back and watch some of his interviews. And uh actually, maybe when he turned heel against Bret Hart, they wrestled each other when they were both faces, and he turned heel at the end. He he just kind of lost it. He he snapped. He snapped ten years, you guys! Ten years he waited and the phone never rang.

All right, I'm gonna where are we now?

It's to you for the top pick of the day, sir.

Well, I gotta go with this one. And once again, as you have known, my total seven picks today have been a total of 30 seconds, and it will simply be this. That knife couldn't cut the dick off a snowman. I knew that one, right? Because I felt my quotes had to get a point across. Like they just had to, like, I don't know. That's how I pictured my one-liners was to first of all, the fact that you have to now picture a dick on a snowman.

I mean, you it's gotta be really cold.

And not even a butter knife could cut it off. Wait, is that made from a carrot or two?

I don't think so.

Oh no, because then it might be a tough knife. Like no, this is just cutting through the wet snow. In other words, I don't know, you could cut the dick off a snowman. Here I am explaining it again, which I'm done with. So off to you, Don.

All right. So I love I love how you know I love AJ. I love how you had the personal ones because those were near and dear to me too. Your dad's quotes. I love how Kevin's um used the the Ricky, like his personal connection with a guy at the bar. Because I had thought of using just one like quotes from one movie. And if it was one movie that I was gonna use, it was gonna be uh it's a wonderful life, because it's the one of probably one of my favorite movies of all time. And uh, this is where I get a little sappy. I get a little sappy, and uh in the the the show It's a wonderful life, at the very end, when he opens up the little card, it says, No man is a failure who has friends, and that's why I like you guys, you know, two guys in my buds, you know. You know, boy, yeah. I love that movie. The movie's awesome. There's so many. I could have pulled like you know, easily seven quotes or one-liners from that movie, but I pulled that one. No failure who has my lips bleeding.

That is bleeding. Incredibly heartfelt pick. Yeah, and I thought when you said a movie, I thought for sure you were gonna say you could pick seven from Star Wars.

Oh god, easily easily. I could have picked Star Wars, I could have put old school, you know.

I thought it was gonna be Johnny Dangerously one that we exactly, Kevin. That's how connected us, but we haven't spoken about show.

Yeah, no, we have I went, I went down the the sentimental road. Yeah, yeah.

I think we just all were on different pages with one-liners, which you know that's gonna be very interesting, I think, to see the different angles you know, people took.

So I talked to you last night, and that helped me out a little bit with because I okay if we can do that, and it's like that made me very happy. So good. Nice. I ran over to my paper and wrote down stuff.

So anyway, awesome, great one, Dongo. Very right, Kev.

All right. Well, you know, Webster's defines it as a very succinct joke or witticism. A one-liner. So I think we hit it across the board.

Witticism. For sure.

Yes, witticism. Whiting. Yeah. So I'm gonna go with my absolute, there's so many great ones, and I do love them. I absolutely love one-liners, but this one's my absolute favorite. And this was something that I I'm sure has some other etymology, but I got it from Ricky, and it's she's so dumb. She couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the directions were on the heel. Because, like we talked about before, what is she coming out?

You hear it, you have to think about it. That's the first one I've heard before, actually. From Ricky.

Yep, yep. From Ricky, yep. Yeah, you just you think about okay, what does that mean? She couldn't pour piss out of a booth. Oh, she'd have to look at the directions on the heel, therefore, pouring the piss out. It's already out. It takes just a half a second for that one to click. I got you the first time you hear it, but I absolutely love it and I use it pretty much every day of my life, especially if I'm behind the wheel of a car. It's the stick on the steering wheel. It's a light blink so people know what the f you're doing.

Blinker. I love that these things are. I hope our audience will pick up on most of it. I think we have a smart audience, and I think they're gonna get most of these. Oh, I believe so. Brother Mark, finish her off.

What about it? What about it? Okay, this is the jerky boys, and I started off with a David quote, and David loved this quote.

The jerky boys.

Yeah, and even and God bless our brother David, even when he uh was knew he was not gonna be here long, he had his sense of humor, and he would still call up and say, What about it? What about it? And it's it's you know, gotcha, gotcha. Go on. What about it is my pick. What about it? Oh, I thought you were leading up to something. And this is one of the jerky boys where they actually take a call, they put an ad out for blonde equipment, you know, chainsaws or whatever. And this guy calls up, hi, I'm calling about the chainsaw. What about it? What about it? And he goes, I'm just hoping I you know, wonder if I could come by and uh buy it and uh take it. Nope! Thank you. And then he hangs up, and uh yeah, it it j it just David David and I had so many wonderful memories as far as quotes like that, repeating the jerky boys, you know, and going I mean, going down I mean this is the last pick of the day. So, you know, we used to go to a lot of Patriots games as being seasoned ticket holders, and we would see signs and uh don't do nor wood, whatever you do. Okay, well, do you like ticks? Nah. You know, Natick and just it it was a what? You don't want to do the do you like wood? Noor.

No, because it was the dumbest one I had ever seen. I know, but David is the one that I know God love him, but it didn't make It any funnier.

It was a riot.

You're talking about going to a what about Sharon? Now entering Sharon. But all of them. Need ham. Need ham is funny. Need ham, wear ham, red ham, rocking ham.

She we went down to a game, Ricky, once, and I says, Do you like ham? And she goes, I need it. Exactly.

Those are the good ones. But the Norwood was the worst. David thought it was funny as you. God rest his beautiful soul.

But he used to say we'd be headed down to the game and he would say, Mark, this is our day. And it kind of hits me right there. He would say, This is our day. And it was for the longest time until they priced us out. But uh but yeah.

Yep. And speaking of our dear brother David, please hang tight at the end of the show and listen to a little medley we put together showcasing some of his music where he has done drums, guitar, vocals, bass, everything. I am going to put an episode out next week showing all of these songs in their entirety if anyone would like to listen, but David was just an incredible musician. We miss him dearly. So if you have the time and you're into music, please check it out. Thank you so much. We love you, brother.

What about it? What about it? What about it? Yep.

Hey there, little lips. Frank Rizos Open your ears, jackass. Jackass.

Now this is just super across the way.

Oh god.

You got good fingers, honey? You need good fingers to little hot dogs, honey.

Alright, boys. Frank Call is gone now because of so much. And I'm very angry with that little jerk.

That's where I was going with that. That reminds me of my tools. Bring my tools. When you say the wrap your head with a fucking ratchet. When you uh talking about prank calls, that made me think of something that I would like to discuss when we end said show. However, boys, that was a lot of fun. Hope you guys out there enjoyed it. So we'll just wrap it up now. Dungo, thank you.

It was great to have you.

Indeed, Kevin. Yes, thank you. I enjoyed that. Uh brother Mark.

That was an absolute blast. I had so much fun and so many laughs.

Oh, we're all so stupid, aren't we?

Yeah, but you know what? You know, we had a good time one way or the other. That's right.

And I'm AJ, folks, and thank you so much for listening. We couldn't appreciate it more, and we are out.