Best Classic TV Commercials, Ranked

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Hey all, welcome to another episode of Past Times at 80s High, the cast that takes you back. Got another awesome one today, I think. This is uh you have the honors today, Brother Mark, and what we are doing is we are gonna do our top seven commercials from back in the day. You know, our favorites of you know, that we picked for today. I have the boys, as always. Dungo, how are you? What's happening? Hello, brother Mark.

Hi, fantastic then.

Oh, good, and Kevin? Hello! Hello, Bastards. All right, and as always, we like to start things out of the gate. However, we always give our shout-outs, and I have a couple I just wanted to uh to mention because Fred, you have been out there um sick on fish and checking us out on YouTube quite often, and thank you for the comments. We appreciate that. And uh Scott, uh one of the regulars at work has been listening. So great to hear from you know, great to see some locals getting into the uh to the cast. And Kevin, what about uh countries and cities?

The unlocals are we are in 903 cities now in 64 different countries and territories. I'm not sure what that distinction is. Is there I thought we pretty much established all of our countries at this point, but maybe not. Um Dover, Delaware, uh just down the road from us. Um Burlington, Ontario, Chingola, uh Copper Belt, uh-huh, and Middlesbrough.

So Copper Belt, Copper Belt, I believe that's in Zambia. Oh my goodness. Interesting. Zambia.

Still nobody from Parts Unknown, though.

No one from Parts Unknown yet, rather, just us.

Oh well, I mean, the green pastors from Parts Unknown. Of course.

Of course. But anyway, so I went, I'm just throwing this out there because I don't know about you guys, but I went a little lightly with the rules on my end. So when I say commercials, that could mean, you know, any type of in-between show thing, if you will. And uh we'll see where that goes, but you'll get my print once we get running here. But anybody else have anything to roll with before we get underway?

Um, yeah, well, I'm starting anyway, but you want me to get underway with I'll just say there's gonna be a lot of jingles saying or sung.

Oh boy, all right. Okay, all right, Mark.

Well, take it away. You start us off. All right. Okay, well, this commercial, I believe, was from 1985. I don't know if you guys are gonna remember it, but it was a bic commercial and it was based on bulls. We're bull shavers. Convinced that we have to use expensive erasers with gadgets or whatever he's saying, you know.

Once upon a time, millions of us roamed the bathrooms of America. We're bull shavers, convinced we had to use shavers with all kinds of expensive extras. But we don't pay an arm and a hoof anymore, cause us bull shavers are becoming big shavers.

Vic gives us an extraordinary shave at an extraordinary price, without bells or whistles. To pay more makes you well bullheaded. Try the Vic for normal, sensitive skin, and you too.

And it just really struck me funny. I don't recall said commercial. Well, look it up. I mean, it wasn't around all that long. I would see it during Patriots games in '85 down in Innsdale. I clearly remember it. I did look it up. It did exist. One of the bulls turns into a human or a man and he shaves, and then we put an end to bull shaving. It was just really funny, and I love the commercial.

So big reasons. At first, I was going towards the lighter for something. That's what I was thinking too.

Well, I guess I'm the only never smoked before, guy. So I didn't even think of that. So they were going for the bullstein. I know what a percentage of people actually start smoking, like, say, at my age, 61. I mean, I don't know.

You can be uh you can be a rebel. I'm on dad. Go up there and be the first one to pick up smoking at 60.

I know. No, we'll have to look that up.

What was he used to say? I took it up because I heard such good things about it. Whether it was smoking, drinking heroin.

Oh, yeah. Well, where it al in UHF says, uh, but his buddy Bob goes, he orders a drink and he he goes, Well, you don't drink to Weird Allen. Weird Al says, I've been meaning to start.

There was some comedian that was like, Oh, I can't wait to know when the end of the world is so I can take up smoking again.

That sounds like Steven Wright something he'd say. Yeah. All right. So that's to me then. So my number seven. And this is a perfect example of when I said in-between things, not necessarily commercials, but a public service announcement, if you will. And everybody out there, yes, here we go. I have my kiss connection. Bet you boys didn't think I was gonna be able to get that.

I know I knew you would have a kiss connection.

So this is the uh MTV Rad series, the Rock Against Drugs. Oh, it was featuring Gene Simmons.

I remember that.

It starts out with him with ugly face, of course. And you know, he uses all the words. So he had no makeup. Drugs are great. Drugs you drugs make you strong. Smart. They make you feel good. Drugs make you cool.

Drugs are great. Drugs make me strong. Drugs make me smart, drugs make me feel good. Drugs make me cool. Do you believe that crap? Huh? You believe all that stuff they're handing you about drugs? You want to believe in something? How about yourself? Don't do drugs.

And then of course he pulls the face off. You believe that crap? Then he you know you want to believe in something, believe in yourself. Don't bring up any money things here.

It's just I'm sure he was the only one that got paid for a public service announcement. Everybody else is volunteering. I'll do it for twelve thousand five hundred dollars. Didn't Paul do one too? The one where he says, You could do drugs, but why not be with me instead?

I don't do drugs, so I've got no friends.

Hey Paul!

I don't get invited to any parties. Women ignore me. I don't even have a real job.

Yeah, I've heard some people say drugs are cool, but they are wrong. Some of them are dead wrong.

Ah, probably. That sounds like something.

He's like walking to a party with a bunch of chicks. He's like, Why do drugs when you could be with me?

No, but you know, she's wrong with it, you know, drugs make you strong. Um, steroids kind of do. Yeah. Yeah, I was gonna say ask ask Lance Armstrong about that. Yeah, or Arnold or Lou Ferencno or any of those. I just do an Archie Bunker, whatever.

So yeah, MTV Rock Against Drugs. Quite a campaign they had going there.

All right, Dongo, take it away. Cool. All right, so mine was a campaign series, uh, I should say, or an advertisement series that was from 1981 to 1997, and it's for everybody who was getting up early in the morning and schlopping their way into work. And it was uh Fred the Baker who was time to make the donuts. Yes, I gotta make the donuts, time to make the donuts.

Duncan donuts, Duncan donuts are always fresh. I made the donuts. We make them at least twice every day.

Time to make the donuts, not a few kinds, like supermarkets. Time to make the donuts.

Time to make the donuts. I made the donuts. Duncan donuts up to 52 varieties fresh days.

Just kind of like meandering along, and you know, he finally gets to work and making the donuts before everybody gets up, and you know, by like 9 a.m., he's already done his day's work, whatever, you know. But uh I just love that, you know, time to make the donuts.

I kind of do that a lot of time when I'm I already made the donuts. Yeah, I feel like you forget that you're so tired, spectacular.

Yeah, awesome. The actor's name was Michael Vale. Ah, yes.

But time to make the donuts, guy. Yeah, exactly.

So for the bartending years, I used to get ready for work and go, it's time to drunk the grown-ups.

Time to drunk the grown-up. Uh great pick, Dongo. Awesome, because that was definitely on my list. Perfect. To you, Kev.

Must be the front row. Miller, blob euchre.

You know one of the best things about being the next big leader is getting freebies to the game. And once these fans recognize me, I probably won't even have to pay for my light. These fans, and it tastes great.

I mean, just and that was a whole series of ads that we don't give me that face, AJ. Come on. One of the top ones for Christ's sake. It's the first one that came to mind. I know it was my number one, but oh sorry. That's all right. Donnie took my number one, too. So no, no, no. That's all that's the way this game is played. Um, but just such a uh Euchre was such a memorable character from you know the ads, the movies, and everything. And one of the best, when we lost Norm McDonald, they kind of, and it might be because I was looking it up, but I got flooded with Norm McDonald stories, and there's a couple of them that Norm tells and Artie Lang tells about being in the booth with Bob Euchre while he's calling a game, and they have a cough button. So, you know, if you're speaking on a microphone, you get a cough, you push the cough button. But he said he was like a jazz musician with it. He'd be talking to, well, it's two balls and whatever. Look at the tits on that one. And he just like would hit that cough button and say the nastiest shit.

Uh youcher would be announcing the baseball game.

Right.

And like a fucking jazz musician. It was unbelievable. If he saw a really hot chick in the crowd, he would hit the cough button and say something filthy about her, then go right back to announcing the game. It was like magic. So unbelievable, you think that's a high-risk thing to be doing. That's like walking the highwire. He would say so he would say shit like this. You'd go, Um, here's the two-two pitch to Sosa, Graham Bull, a shortstop. Look at the fucking tits on that whore. Over to first base, two down. And he'd hit the button that quickly. Yeah. So you must have been out of your mind entertained. And now when you listen to him, you're wondering like during the spaces, what he's saying. Howard, the that that was that that's a story I told on Letterman. I cleaned it up. Right, right, right. And uh he started using like old guy words for the chicks. Like he'd go, uh, fly ball to center field. God, I like to get with that trollop. That's the third act.

And then there's a great story about um him talking about John Fogarty was was in the audience, was at the game with his kid, and he was like, Oh yeah, I play golf with him. Guy hits it out of the sand, great, whatever else. I'll get him up here in the seventh inning stretch, he'll sing for you. And and Norm's like, don't make him come up and sing for us. Because what he, what's fucking wrong with you? You don't fucking like him? What do you you don't you don't want to hear him sing? Like, do you even know who he is? He's one of those rock stars. He doesn't bite heads off bats or anything, but he just like because everybody was just Euchre was in that like the tonight show kind of world forever. He never he never left it. A celebrity was a celebrity. He didn't care, he probably wouldn't have cared if Fogarty was biting the heads off bats, but he he l he literally put John Fogarty in the same realm as Ozzie Osborne.

Yeah, played music.

He just he only knew celebrity, didn't care beyond the fact that they were celebrities and that they could hit it out of the sand. Good. That was it.

Now, um, may I continue on your pick, Kev? Or you I don't want to cut you off if you're not.

No, no, I'm good. Absolutely.

Well, then I can finish what I was gonna say in the at my number one slot, but the my favorite part of said commercial is when he's in the nosebleeds and the bleachers way up back, and he's going twice. He says, he missed the tag. He missed the tag, he missed the tag, he missed the tag because he thought he was so special. He's like us, you know, ex-major leaguers, we get all those free perks. The the usher pulls him out, you're in the wrong seat, buddy, and you hear a guy sit down in the front. Must be in the front row, must be the front row, yeah. And then to see him up there and the yelling a cry. The guy's like 17 seats away from him, and he goes, Great seats, huh, buddy? Uh but major league, yeah. Just speaking of the cough button, he just didn't give a shit in that movie. But I mean, it's a movie, of course, but I could see him being a pro at it because he's such a sarcastic, hilarious dude. Oh awesome. All right. Funny mofo. Indeed. All right, Mark.

All right, so I'm going for my number six pick. If I was to order a whopper and I didn't want any lettuce or pickles on it, what would happen?

Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce special orders, don't upset us.

May I help you, sir? Two whoppers, two whopper juniors, and four Coca-Cola. And we'll have to wait long if you made one whopper with no pickle and no lettuce.

No sir.

Now that's the way to do things. Our way.

And then have it your way at Burger King. And uh this commercial, I mean, it's a jingle. It I remember this, and there's a big reason why I really remember these commercials. Let me take you back, ladies and gentlemen. I lived in Littleton, New Hampshire. We didn't get a McDonald's until 1974, okay? I always just wanted to try Burger King, and I just didn't know what I there was none anywhere near us. I mean, there was one in Laconia. A few years later, I lived there, but I just l fantasized about burgers back in the day. You wouldn't know that I was a massively big eater that cared very deeply about my stomach. Very deeply, believe me. And I was such a pencil neck geek uh physically back in those days, but I had no fat on me at all, you know, probably 42 pounds in fifth grade. I don't remember, but I ate like crazy. So that I used to fantasize about Burger King.

And that's until they changed their bacon double cheeseburger, it was the greatest. It's the one thing I would take over McDonald's at Burger King, and they messed it up when they came out with this new whatever they have now. It's like the it's a different type of double cheeseburger, bacon double at Burger King.

Yeah, their original bacon double was awesome. Incredible, and they got rid of it.

They never, it's never the same. I've tried to get it, and yeah, they've after. Not the you're thinking, I thought you're thinking the one with the onion rings on it.

Uh well, it's got onion rings, and it's got jalapenos, and it's got I mean, it's just and and the Burger King down here is literally made to order because they don't have the staffing.

Yeah, it's brutal.

So you gotta wait 20 minutes, but at least it tastes like food. Yeah. The only problem I had with Burger King is that like if you got a if you got a fish sandwich, it tasted like smoke. It was flame boiling broiled fish. But now, Mark, do you remember how we used to sing that as kids? Vaguely, could you sing for me, please? I'm not gonna sing for you, but it was shut up, lady, you upset us. All we asked is that you let us throw it away. That I don't remember. You don't remember that?

Oh my. That was well, like uh did you hear the part where I said we had no Burger King back then? So no, it wasn't on our minds except for mine. I don't know.

I'm surprised we have McDonald's. Most people were well, put it this way: the one that was where I grew up, it didn't open until I was it was like five miles from my house, and I walked in opening day on my own, so I had to be old old enough to be five miles away from my house. So seven right no, no, HJ, I didn't grow up like you guys did. I wasn't running down 93 at three years old.

I like them thinking you rode your bike.

No, my parents weren't around, they were three towns over at work, but I still wasn't allowed to leave the neighborhood.

Oh yeah, Ludge, can I put a bow on this commercial? I do have some happy news for all you people that live in Littleton, and you know this, and you probably never remember Littleton without a Burger King, but there's a Burger King up there now. So little Marky White would have been so happy.

In heaven. Awesome. All right, number six to me. There's a million of this commercial, you know. I mean, obviously, it is Diet Pepsi, but the one I am picking, which was my favorite because back in the day I was just a Michael J. Fox guy. He was just cool. I mean, back to the future. This is the one where a new neighbor moves in, he knocks on his apartment, she knocks on his apartment door, hot chick. She asks if he has any diet Pepsi.

Hi. I just moved in next door. Could I borrow a diet Pepsi?

Sure. Come in.

How about something else? Listen, if you don't have a diet Pepsi, I got it.

And there's none in the fridge, it's empty. He's dumping it out, he's panicking. He says, Yep, just give me one minute. And he jumps out the fire escape, runs across the street in the rain, finds a diet Pepsi machine, gets it, runs back, comes out soaking wet, blah, blah, blah, gives it to her, and then her sexy roommate walks in, or another hot name.

She said, My my roommate Dan, that must be my roommate Dan, and then she comes out of the door. Hi, I'm Danielle. Yeah, exactly.

That must be my roommate Danny. Danny. Hi, I'm Danielle. You got another Diet Pepsi?

Diet Pepsi is a joy of a new generation.

That's exactly where I was going anyway. Got another one? He said, Yeah, yeah, you know, he's gonna go get it again. So anyway, I loved the commercial, but he almost got hit by a car, too. Yes.

I mean, the the advertising, and that's something that that got me thinking about it. Um, is that all the shows that we loved were sponsored by by they wouldn't be there without the advertisers as much as we loathed them at the time when you're watching your show, you hate the ads, but the fact of the matter is there wouldn't be the program without them. And I'm looking at these ads and they're like I'm having like reactions to seeing these things for the first time and remembering them. And it's like I have to give kudos to the people that did those ads because they were memorable. I mean, they were hate you.

didn't hate them like now. Like I mean there was a fucking medication commercial nowadays.

I'm gonna no big pharma owns uh network television right now.

But it and it's just the way that they addressed how how to bring people in to buy their product and whatever else, and the whole reason that Pepsi exists is because Coca-Cola went, ah, fuck it, we're big enough, we don't need to spend any money on advertising anymore. And that's why Pepsi exists, because they were like, Oh, go, don't, don't bother advertising, and we will. And they went everywhere because you think about that era, and it was Michael J. Fox, it was Ray Charles, it was Jackson, Michael Jackson, uh the flaming Michael Jackson, right? Um, all of that stuff, and and the Pepsi Challenge, and the Pepsi Challenge exactly always picked Coke, yeah. I always did too, until they changed it to New Coke, and then everyone except the liars. Right. But anyway, it's just just amazing that that you know, Pepsi was on the boards, they they weren't gonna make it, and then Coke slacked on advertising. So as much as we can loathe advertising at times, it works.

It does definitely have a great jingle, yeah.

And it was a lot of fun back then, like you know, that's not even a thing almost during the Super Bowl anymore. Even those commercials suck. Yeah, they do, you know what I mean? It was fun, and well, we're in this program at this very moment, so I will shut my mouth.

All right, that's to you, dongo. Cool. So, like Mark was saying, you gotta have a burger, and you gotta you want to have your, you know, some people want onions, some people want lettuce, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you want it your way, right? Well, there was Wendy's had the, you know, their ad thing was to step aside. Please, sir. Oh, yes.

Uh, yes, I'd like a hamburger with extra tomatoes, no pickles, no onion. Step aside. Step aside.

Step aside. Step aside. Step aside.

Some hamburger places when you order special chopping space, you'll have to wait. Step aside. At Wendy's, you get a choice of fresh choppings without ever having to step aside. Wendy's hamburgers are made fresh with your choice.

I guess for whatever reason I love that ad. You know, when it's fine, and they're like, Oh, you want lettuce and tomato? Step aside. Step aside. Please, sir. Step aside. Excuse me, sir. Step aside. Please step aside.

Oh, that was a great one. I forgot all about that one, though.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for whatever reason that one burned into my brain.

My mom loved that one. She would laugh out loud when it came on.

Which I always hate when you go to a fast food place. They're like, pull up. I'm like, there is nothing on that menu, nor should there be, that isn't ready in 30 seconds.

Well, for some reason, McDonald's feels like they have to do the quarter pounder made to order, and it makes it better somehow. Uh you're like, oh, we make them, they make them fresh, or whatever.

When it sits under that lamp, that's what makes it lovely.

But here's the thing: I always you play the game. What's going to be cold? Right. Please pull up. All right. I ordered nuggets, a quarter pounder, and fries. One of them is going to be smoking hot. Yeah. And the other and one of the other ones is going to be ice cold.

Cold fries is the most miserable thing. Oh, God, yeah.

Those fries have like a 40-second window where they're delicious and then they're just greasy, wilted. And the other thing that really irks me about McDonald's is I've made the choice to come here. I'm not eating healthy. Save your McDLT, save your salad. And please don't spare the salt. Right. I'm not eating at McDonald's looking for low carb. I'm here because I'm hungry. I don't feel like cooking or I'm not in a position to cook. So please salt the living shit out of these fries so I can at least enjoy it.

What's that? I would murder if my fries weren't salty. It's so bad. If they don't salt them on to be healthy, they need to be salted the instant they come out of the oil. The oil makes the salt salt. So it adheres to it. And then they're delightful.

Right. Right. The salt should meld with the grease. Right. Disintegrate into the grease and become a salty, greasy. I want to get home and feel like dog shit.

Because I just pounded that food down.

And then one more note on that is that I just saw this today, and I gotta say it before I forget. Apparently, I think it's Wendy's, has a T-Rex burger. Have you guys heard of this?

I I saw the ad the other day. I didn't see what was on said burger, but I heard them say that.

I watched a guy eat one and my heart slowed down. It looked like it was like 10 patties. What kind of thing?

The bacon eater does that too.

It was like the T-Rex, the T-Rex burger. Ah, we'll have to look at it. Or maybe just call it the coronary. Yeah. The martyr infarction. How bad did I butcher that, Don?

It was actually spot on.

Did I get it? Oh nice. No all right. That's to you, Kev. We're uh wrapping up number six. Hey man, is that Freedom Rock?

Yeah. Turn it up. I love it.

Classic.

It starts off with a lead riff from Layla.

Hey man, is that Freedom Rock? Well, turn it up, man.

And then it just goes into I think there are 40 tracks.

Freedom Rock has it all, man. 40 original rock hits by the original artists on four records, three cassettes, or two CDs. Here's more. In my pro with it.

And honestly, that's it. Usually there's like a hundred and four. Well, that's scroll on the first commercial, but yeah.

Um, but they literally could call that classic rock radio on one album now.

Yes.

That's literally. I was watching the song scroll by and I'm like, yep, yep.

Turn it down, man. Hey man, remember the good old days? You know war, protest, going to jail. Well, man, we found this new album called Freedom Rock. It's got all those great songs we used to groove to back then. Just listen.

Yep. It's like whoever programs classic rock radio bought that album. And it was like, zit now. This is this is radio now. Put it on repeat.

Man, you should get Freedom Rock too. Four records or three cassettes are only $19.95. Two CDs, only $24.95. Here's how to order.

But that was one that that you it was inescapable. Yeah. And usually it was like after you got home from the bar at fucking 3 a.m. Freedom Rock.

We'll turn it up.

Turn it up. And it was such a low budget thing, but it obviously had staying power.

Sold.

Yes. Yes, exactly. Oh man.

Awesome. All right. That's number five to you, brother.

Schaefer is the one bit a half when you have in more than one.

Yes.

Yes, yep. Well, first of all, it's only 4.2% alcohol, but not at anyone back in the late 60s, early 70s give a rat's ass about that. They would uh have the two little glasses up there, they would say number one and then two. I mean, they could could have probably gone three, four, five, six, whatever. But uh, yeah, and in the main commercial that I'm speaking of, they they're all trying to get this guy to sing the jingle. He's incredible, he's absolutely got a beautiful voice.

Okay, rookie. Come on. Every new man's gotta sing the Schaefer jingle. But sing, come on, sing better, sing boy.

Schaefer is the one spirit to have when you're having more than one sing the most rewarding flavor in this man's world for people who are having fun. Schaefer is the one beer to have when you're having war.

I AJ doesn't like Schaefer beer. I think it's delectable for a cheap beer.

I don't know why he still says this to this day, even though we discussed it in a previous cast. I'm gonna do it.

I understand that you don't like oh, you do like it.

I loved Schaefer. We lived on it for an entire summer from your baseball card that we sold. Oh yeah. And the thing was the thing of beauty, Bill. Wait a minute. All right, quiet. We've talked about this.

All right, so I forgot anyway.

It was a dollar ninety-nine a six pack at Skiford Mobile for pounders. The reason you think I hate it is because what I would say is if you didn't drink it fast enough, it was really only a regular six pack of 12 ounces because you couldn't stomach the last four. Oh well, I didn't drank slow enough to even worry about it. So maybe that's it.

You've stole from me. Thank you very much. I want my baseball cards back.

We also, Mark, you literally piled them into a cardboard box. No collector in their right mind would have ever taken them. Then they were in our bike spokes. But um we went to this woman, God bless her. We used to call her Sasquatch. We also made a lot of money off the uh Billy not Buckner, Billy Ripkin card. I don't know if you guys remember this, but the brother of Cal Ripkin, Billy Ripkins card, made us the most money that year because when he took his picture, he was standing at the plate. You know, it was obviously a pose, but on the bottom of his bat, it said fuck off. So it made the card worth like 60 bucks a whack. Yeah, and Todd had a bunch of them. So when we finally went broke, we'd bring one in and go buy a bunch of six packs of Schaefer Pounders. Where are we to me? It's you.

Five to you, I mean.

All right, no, yeah, five. All right, this one is just a special one to me. People might or may not remember it, but this was the Tyco Daredevil jump track.

This eagle really flies because we chose these great new cars for Tyco's new Daredevil jump. Race them flat out, then up the ramp, and now in slow motion, they leap into space over the oil drums and keep right on racing. Now add more oil drums. Turn out the lights. The whole race lights up with excitement with Tyco's Night Glow. That's real night racing. Take off the Daredevil Jump with Night Glow by Tyco, of course.

Yeah. Which, with Night Glow, mind you. Yes. So, and I owned this. So it was a pure beauty. Uh, those electric cars, if you guys remember, you'd have to dial in that controller so they wouldn't, you know, swing off the track. But once you got it and started racing with your buddies, and it would jump and land in the track every time. I don't know if there was some sort of magnetic pole that pulled it in, but oh, and then you'd shut the lights and it it had the night glow, so you could race in the dark. I had hours and hours of fun with that thing, and it was awesome. Off to you, Dongo.

They were so cool.

Yes, they were.

Love them.

So, like Kevin was saying, like, for whatever reason, these ads from our childhood, they would just pump them out like repeatedly. And this was one that I'd see when I'd stay home from school, and it was for Time Life Books, uh, Boston Publishings, the Vietnam Experience. Yes, and it was like there's this one thing that just burns in my brain. Like, I told the cab driver I just got back from Vietnam. He was like, so what? So what?

I told the cab driver I just got back from Vietnam, you know. And uh he was like, so what? So what?

For whatever reason, that just burned in my brain. I don't mean to make fun of the guy because I mean he was obviously a veteran and you know, saw some, he was in the shit and very discouraged. And uh, you know, that was a good book series, and I wanted to get it really bad. And uh, but it was just they would pump that ad out of every single there was like multiple ads. Oh, what a memory, Dawn.

Yeah. We would have gotten wiped out that day if it hadn't been for the Air Force. Uh they came in, they dropped napalm all over the place. Got like an oven with the heat.

Time Life Books and Boston Publishing bring you the Vietnam experience.

Yeah, it was early. I mean, it was like 1980, I think it was. Uh-huh. Definitely in the in the early 80s. So Vietnam was still pretty fresh in people's minds, you know. Right. Yeah.

Didn't you get the books if if you uh subscribe to the magazine or something? Was that like a oh, I don't know.

Yeah, yeah, you get like a package deal. Yeah.

Yeah. You sign up at that point and you'd get the special editions.

Yeah.

Awesome.

I also the Civil War chess set.

There's more.

Don't order yet.

You also get uh Ginsu knives, a baby's arm holding an apple. Awesome, though. Great pick, great memory, Donnie. Just I can picture that guy going. He was like, so what? He was so miserable. Oh, it's sad. All right, so we're number five to you, Kev.

All right. Now, this is one place where you could see David Naughton from Werewolves, American Werewolf in London, and Fred Flintstone in the same ad. And that was, I'm a pepper, you're a pepper. Pepper. Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?

It's all right to be dynamite, but to be a pepper is out of sight. Wouldn't you like to be a pepper too?

Nice. What a great jingle. And and there were so many of them. I mean, they, you know, was one of those ones that kind of caught fire. So they did a bunch of them and had different guests or more people. That's the other thing, too, looking at these, is the people, the actors that got their start. You know, I thought I'd never seen it before. I saw Ted Danson doing a head and shoulders ad.

Do I really need it? I don't want to give up soft, shiny hair just to control a few flakes.

You don't have to. Head and shoulders is gentle, even for your gorgeous hair, and you can use it every time you shampoo. Honey, trust me.

Right, yeah. I'm like, I had no idea. But there's a lot of people that that's where they started out and and whatever else. Not that not that David Naughton's career was that storied. Right, yeah, right. He went from Dr. Pepper guy to American Werewolf, and I don't know. Was there much after that?

Was he in after hours? Am I thinking of the right guy from Werewolf in London? Oh no, you're thinking of Griffin Dunn. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know if I've ever seen the other guy. He is the other guy.

Except in the Dr. Pepper ads. Yeah, right. Anyway, that was that was a great one, and one of the first ones that comes to mind when you think about jingles. I think that was very successful.

You're right, though. So many actors. It's amazing how many actors started in commercials or soap operas. Or porn. Yeah, or porn. Yeah. Just Tracy Lords. How you doing, Trace? Yeah. Awesome. All right, brother. We're to number four.

Yes, number four. My baloney has a first name. It's O S E A R. My baloney has a second name. It's M-A-Y-E-R. I love to eat it every day. And if you ask, that's what I'll say.

Oscar Meyer has a way with B-O-L-O-E-N-A. Yes. The only reason I can spell baloney. Yeah, exactly.

My baloney has a first name. It's O S C A R. My baloney has a second name. It's N-A-Y-E-R. Oh, I love tweeted every day. If you let me last day.

So yeah, uh that that's a little kid, AJ. He's about six months younger than you, but he's a little kid at the time. And um, he's fishing with a little pole. See, even back then, this kid he's like four years old and he's fishing on his own. Okay. So uh, but yeah, he loves his bologna sandwiches. He eats it every day, and that's just a jingle that everybody remembers.

And I you know very meaningful.

You guys even remembered it. You even remember it. Who doesn't remember that? Yeah.

We remember pretty much most of these. Yeah, I'm sure we will continue to as well.

And I won't bring it up, but there's another Oscar Meyer one that people remember as well.

But that might be a kind of armor, but all right, so that's number four to me. And you guys will all remember this one. It's not the most exciting of commercials because a few of the cartoon characters in it are quite droll. But it was always fun to me. I don't know why I loved it, and uh, most of these came to memory before I re-looked them up. But this is, you know, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop? Nice, yeah, and this is the one with the tortoise and the owl. So kids asking, you know, how many licks? And the turtle's like, I old man turtles like, I don't know, I've always been it. And then he goes and asks the owl, and he's like, I don't know. Let's see. And he gets the three licks, bites it, and says, three.

Mr. Cow, how many licks does it take to get to the tootyroll center of a tootsipox? Yeah, I don't know.

I always end up biting. Ask Mr. Fox, for he's much cleverer than I.

Mr. Fox, how many licks does it take to get to the tootyroll center of a tootsifox?

Why don't you ask Mr. Turtle? For he's been around a lot longer than I. Me? I bite.

Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll Center of a Tootsie Box?

I never made it without biting. Ask Mr. Owl, for he is the wisest of us all.

Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the tootsy roll center of a tootsie box?

A good question. Let's find out. One two. Three.

If there's anything I can't stand, it's a smart owl.

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop? The world may never know.

I just loved it. The owl was so, so droll.

Three.

Exactly.

Three crunches into it.

The ironic thing is when I went to Google the commercial to watch it, because I knew it was one of my picks. There's friggin' Google with a legitimate guesstimate for me. I'm like, most people are between 282 and 427. I'm like, I just want to see the fucking commercial. Are you kidding me? Is someone out there really trying to figure this out?

And they don't even get half of the shit they say. AI got, I mean, they told me the Patriots, there were no teams that were undefeated on the road. And that's like bullshit. And the Patriots ended 8 0 on the road. So AI can go fuck itself. Thank you. Sorry. I'm not apologizing.

I've never put a lollipop in my mouth from start to totally dissolve. Like I always bit it at some point.

Yeah, that was that was the point of the ad is that you you never finish exactly.

Exactly to finish my pick. Yeah. The world may never know.

The world may never know. Exactly. Because let's face it, AI can make their guesstimate, but the fact of the matter is you have to figure in the size of somebody's tongue. The moisture. The moisture. How much saliva they've got going, the aggression.

That huck and spit on that thing.

How warm or cold was the pot?

Do you keep it in there? Do you take it out occasionally?

I mean, if you're if you're doing it like you're going down on a woman, you know, you could make that last a little bit and then.

I got to that Tootsie Roll in five seconds.

Oh Judas Bruce. Well, I like the gum ones because then you get a mixture of the gum with the with the hard candy. Oh god, the blow pops. Right.

Blowpops, yeah. Yeah. Going down, I guess. Yeah. Bloom. All right.

Well, we've got all forms of oral sex talked about.

And now a short commercial break.

Welcome to Halftime at 80shigh. Want to just get a little info out there for you folks, including our website, which is pasttimes at 80shigh.com. And that is 80s for 80s. Pastimes at 80shigh.com. Shoot us an email at pta80h at gmail.com. PTA80H at gmail.com. Love the feedback you've been sending. We can't appreciate it more. Check us out on all the socials, including our new Facebook, which is past times at 80shigh. And then for interaction, past timers at 80s high. Find us on all the major podcast platforms, including Spotify and Apple Podcasts. And please remember that those five-star reviews and the comments go a long way helping us move up that chain. So thank you so much. We couldn't appreciate it more. And now back to the show. Alright, that's number 40, you dungo.

Alright. This ad campaign made me want to carry something in my glove box so that if someone ever pulled up beside me and just happened to ask, I would have it. And it was, Pardon me, do you have any grey poupons? Yes.

Pardon me. Would you have any grey coupon?

But of course. I wanted to be able to just say, like, you know, if someone would just say that and you had a comedic brain worked, um, I would be like, but of course, yes, have it.

That's a great call, Dongo, because somebody has said it to me on the road. Oh my god, I've been waiting for it. You know, I need to buy a jar of it and put it in there. Right. Oh were you driving a rolls at the time?

No, Neggy. Why would anybody want to have mustard in their car? Because it probably doesn't do well with extreme temperatures, but uh well, it had you had to be high society, of course. Like having said the Rolls Royce, the Limbic cars. Back then we I didn't have air conditioning until the 90s. And if you did, it didn't work.

Great, great commercial, man. Yeah, a classic, and on my Audible list as well. Oh yes, sir.

Oh yeah, my Audible list is getting smaller.

Awesome. Getting nervous here. Pardon me. I love it. It's spectacular, and that's a great call. I am gonna get a jar and leave it in my car for the rest of my life. If it happens, how fucking funny would the people would shit their pants?

Right?

And how effective was that?

But of course.

How effective was that ad though? Because it was like immediately Grey Poupon was ritzy.

The finer things in life. Happily, some are affordable, like Grey Poupon Dijon mustard. Grey Poupon is so fine, it's even made with white wine.

Did it cost more than French's yellow mustard? A little, maybe a little bit more, but whatever. They took a part of the market and people bought it because, well, I'm classy, so I deserve it.

So you had Gouldens and you had French's. And then they just said, let's split the two.

And I'll tell you what, it's pretty effing good. Yeah. Grey coupon, that extra little spice. Ah, I love it.

And the white wine.

Yeah.

I love them all. I think they all have their own specific purposes.

They do indeed. Different ideas.

Oh, horseradish.

That is the number one mustard. Yeah. Coleman's is the greatest. Oh, love it. All right, Kevin.

Number four. Head for the mountains. Yeah. Hello, the mountains. Show us your bush. Exactly. Um, I did this obviously before my time, but in my research looking for those ads, there was like a 10-minute Fred and Barney of Bush beer. They'd left um Mr. Slate and they were running a bar and it was running them ragged. They didn't want to do it anymore. So Mr. Slate came in and they dressed up as women and and said they'd get their jobs back with a raise or whatever else.

It was like, What are their names? I'll get them back for you. Their names are Fred Flintstone and Barney uh uh rubble, Barney Rubble.

Yeah, that's right. Barney rubble. Well, we just happen to know them, and we'll guarantee that they'll be back on the job in the morning. If uh we can tell them that you'll give them a raise. No, no, let's go.

Bring some more strangers on the house. Okay. It's only money. Tell them that they'll get a raise.

Can you imagine using cards? Because they did, I mean, Fred and Varney did what Winston's too, right?

Yep. The Flintstones has been brought to you by Winston, America's best-selling, best-tasting builder cigarettes. Winston tasting like a cigarette.

But just the same, can you imagine taking like a character today in a kid's cartoon and having them? Of course, they weren't kids' cartoons at that time.

SpongeBob doing an IPA. SpongeBob for fiddlehead. Exactly. Unfucking believable.

Too funny. But that's one that struck me because the the the you know, head to the mountains, like instantly, there's that scene where they're looking up at the mountain range and the ice has started to melt on the brook, and it's and I'm like, I'm there. I mean, it was like 1970 something, instantly from from that ad.

All you restaurant workers out there, note what Kevin just said. Fred Flintstone believes running a bar in a restaurant is more difficult than working in a friggin' rock quarry. So that's how miserable I am.

We thought the gravel pit was hard work. My feet are killing me. I used to be in good condition to haul this job. Somehow I enjoyed beer better on the other side of the bar. Just so you know.

Yeah, well, he had the he was like a foreman.

Exactly.

Well, yeah, because Mr. Slate came in complaining that he lost his two top guys, Fred, and he couldn't remember Barney's name.

Too funny. Uh hilarious. Hilarious. Great pick. All right, brother Mark. That is number three to you. Two all beef patty, special. Sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun. Two all beef patty, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, and a sesame seed bun.

All right, well, yeah. So this was a big campaign for McDonald's. Uh the Big Mac. It worked. I love the Big Mac. I love the damn thing. The special sauce. I can't figure out what it is, obviously. I mean, nobody knows that it's a thousand island, but let that go. But uh, yeah. I don't listen to the sandwich.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Well, that's jungle. Everyone knows. I mean, that there was a tongue twister to the people on the uh on the commercial. They couldn't quite figure it out, but uh I I got it down.

I still sing it randomly in my car if I drive by.

Lettuce, cheese, cheese, suckles, onions, lettuce, uh, cheese shuckles. Oh, what am I saying?

But when you think about it, I know that when I want a burger, the one thing our normal burger is lacking is another piece of bread.

I know, right? That's the only thing I didn't love about it.

But just take that out and cling it.

Right.

But I've always been a quarter pounder with cheese guy. I mean, the Big Mac's okay, but the quarter pounder is my go-to.

But what's the real go-to, Kev, that most people don't know about because it's the greatest thing they offer? Oh, the triple? The triple cheeseburger, baby. It's the best.

I I don't know. I'm still amazed by that. That there's you know, you got a you got a regular cheeseburger and you got a double cheeseburger, and a double cheeseburger is almost twice as good. But once you take the initiative to put that third burger in there, and third slice of cheese, it becomes that uh greasy gob of delicious meat and cheese. Like exponentially just a ball of grease and salt and cheese.

Moss meat icely. It's awesome. I think that uh the triple cheeseburger at Wendy's, I used to get that all the time. Fantastic.

I mean, I was just gonna say that I don't, I mean, I used to love Wendy's and I still go there once in a while, but it's almost like it's how how can your regular burger be thinner than a smash burger?

Where's the beef?

Exactly. Because it's not in the 80s, so I don't go again. Well, dude, I do.

Yeah, I'm going back to AJ's the the Burger King double cheeseburger was magnificent in the 80s. Massive double something happened in COVID. Like, I don't know if it's shrinkflation or the quality of the employee, but a lot of companies food has gone downhill. Yeah, and five guys you go to five guys, I used to love five guys, their burgers aren't that great anymore. It's like, what is going on? You know what Jeffrey Dahmer said.

I've been eating five guys long before they got the breakfast.

Spectacular. That's great. So bad. So bad. Terrible. Oh my god. All right, so number three to me. And is this a commercial? I believe it is, and it's time for timer.

Mine, mine, mine. Oh, howdy, partner. Time for timer.

I hanker for a hunk of cheese. Oh, yeah. I don't even know what he is. I assume he's a piece of cheese with a cowboy hat and boots because he does certainly not a human. But then he says, I'm so hungry I could eat a wagon wheel. And then he just kicks in to the greatest song ever. Slow on the dry, I need something to chaw. A hanker for a hunk of cheese. And then the 10-gallon hat is feeling five gallons flat.

When I'm slow on the drawing, I need something to chaw. A hanker for a hunk of cheese. When my 10-gallon hats are feeling five gallons flat, I got something planned, which is little cheese sandwiches.

Come on. My boots slow down. It's just the whole song is so fun. Then he's like, here's the cheese with the it's Swiss cheese, I believe he puts between the crackers, by the way. Yeah. And look, a wagon wheel. And it's just such a fun commercial. This was almost a television show to me when I was a kid. Like I enjoyed it. I'd sing it, and I'd want to eat friggin' cheese.

It's great. And that's that. Well, did you get to the most important part of that commercial?

Or anytime you're weak in the knees and you oh yeah, weak in the knees and his knees junk. Yeah, that's great. Little string legs. The string legs.

When my get up and go has got up, we win. Hanker for a hunker cheese. When I'm dancing a holdown in my boots, kind of slow down. Or anytime I'm weak in the knees.

Good call on that, Mark. I forgot about the weak in the knees end.

Oh, that was me and David used to love that little part. Remember that guy? Oh, yeah. He was a politician. He's I mean, they're loving him. He's in Wisconsin, and um, this little girl, this cute, adorable little girl, comes up with a tray of cheese, and he goes, No, I don't like cheese. And then all of a sudden they show his next rally, and there's two people clapping. Awesome.

That's great.

Alrighty. So that's to you, Donald. All right. Again, another um long campaign that started in 1999, so it is does fall within our parameters. And uh this gets with you, AJ, because we used to do this all the time. But uh every time I go out for sushi and they hand me the wasabi, uh, I'm like, wasabi.

Wasabi!

Wasab so it was part of the what's up budget, yeah, definitely. But it they did a specific one for he was in a sushi shop and he's like, here's your sushi, here's your wasabi, and he's like, wasabi.

Okay, was sushi and wasabi. Wassabi, yeah, wasabi.

Whatsabi. What's up?

What?

Oh, it's just brilliant. I loved it, you know, and they're like, ah, wasabi. And they I love how they're all sticking their tongue out. It's funny, you know. That shit is funny. What's that? They like all get so into it. Yeah.

Too funny. Never heard that before from a wife, you know, or my own. Never.

All right, man. That's an awesome pit. Yeah, and all the commercials, like in the be I mean, back in the day for X amount of years when that first came out, it got to the point where it got annoying when everyone was doing it.

Every ad campaign has a has a time span. Yeah, exactly. Shelf shelf life. Yeah, yeah.

All right, shelf life. Perfect. All right, Kev, you're wrapping up tree.

All right, now this one confused the hell out of me because it's actually two completely different products made by two completely different corporations. I know where you're going, but they had two very memorable commercials, and I'm talking about Calgon.

Take me away.

Okay, so Calgon Take Me Away, right? Was the bath powder or whatever else.

The traffic. I can't bring that boss.

The dog that does it! Calgon take me away.

Lose your cares in the luxury of a Calgon bat. Calgon softens the water to leave skin feeling silky, smooth as it lifts your spirits. The soft, luxurious, fragrant world of Calgon.

I love it. But there was also one that they couldn't play now, is the woman's in the in the Chinese laundry, and the mother and the wife's out in the back talking about her husband's. And so she comes out at the end, and the woman's asking how he gets the clothes so white, and and the wife goes, We need more cowgon.

How do you get shirts so clean, Mr. Lee?

Ancient Chinese secret.

My husband, some hot shot. Here's his ancient Chinese secret, Calgon.

And the woman goes, Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

We need more Calgon. Ancient Chinese secret, huh?

Yeah. Two completely memorable ads, and there's no connection between those two products with the exact same name. Oh, ancient.

Yeah.

And so it wasn't a detergent, it was an additive. And it was it was an abbreviation of calcium gone. Cal gone. And then I guess the same thing with the with the bath powder was calcium out, all kinds of scientific what it does, and whatever else. I'm like, what the but two completely different companies, two completely different products. I wonder very memorable ad campaigns, and no relation whatsoever.

Awesome. All right, brother.

That's number two to you.

Okay, uh, what kind of kids like uh armored hot dogs, fat kids, skinny kids, kids that climb on rocks, tough kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox love hot dogs, armor hot dogs, like dogs, kids love to bite hot dogs, armor hot dogs.

What kind of kids eat armor hot dogs?

Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks, top kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox love hot dogs.

Armor hot dogs. The dogs can see they or not.

Awesome. You imagine saying fat kids now. Like you can't get away with any of this shit. Sissy kids. I love it. Pure beauty. Remember, the good old days is what we're talking about when everyone wasn't a pussy.

Couldn't have said it better myself or a sissy.

How about that? Uh now commercials are just, you know, we gotta check all the boxes, you know. That kind of thing. But yeah, it was just uh just I mean, I I when I heard it, it's like sissy kids.

I don't know that that's a good ad for the product.

You know, all these kids love hot dogs.

What the hell is James with the urban legend of the frozen hot dog that every kid heard growing up? Where the woman stuck it in her and had to go to the hospital. It's like every child in America heard a frozen hot dog story and were horrified.

And every every school had one poor girl that they spread the rumor about. Yeah, yeah, it was awful. That was a lot of bullying back then. That's why. When we went down to it, early on this one, you know.

Geez, yeah, well, sometimes it was an accurate representation. She was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

Yeah. At least make it believable, make it a kilbasa or something.

All right, though. All right, so that's number two to me, and I'm sorry, I'll probably bore everyone with this one, but it's one commercial that I remember so clearly, and it made me want the product really bad. Okay, and that is the hubba gum fight. Oh, all right, the whole western scene, you know, they come into the little western town on the dirt street, and guy's like, there's gonna be a gum fight. And it's just hubba, you know, and then of course he holds up the pack of hubba, pops a piece in, and they're 20 pieces away from each other, blowing bubbles. GUM FATE!

Come run us, no trouble. No matter what the odds are, you're always ready for a gum fight with Hubba Bubba. A soft, juicy, delicious hubba lets you blow amazing, no stick bubbles. That won't stick to your face.

Big bubbles, no troubles.

Ironically, wat re-watching it, I'm pretty sure the first guy won. His bubble looked bigger. But the house is as big as mine. But the hubba dude lasted longer, popped, and it didn't stick, so it was big bubbles, no troubles. And I just remember wanting that bubble gum so bad so that I could chew it and it wouldn't stick to my face when I blew a bubble. And it was delightful, and it was a lot of fun and a big memory to me. So that's why I had to take it.

I can taste the grape right now.

Big bubble, no problem.

Yeah, yeah, me too. I was big on the grape, and I can taste it as we're talking about. Yeah, absolutely.

Which made me think of another implantation flavor.

Yes.

Awesome. To you, Dongo, for two. All right. So this ad um was again a long campaign, a lot of different ads, a lot of different topics, but it was the Joe Isuzu. And it was acted actor David Leisure. Yes. Um just he played that role so perfect of the Joe Azuzu. Like he actually pissed off used car salesman because of his persona of the lying car guy. Right. And it worked for a Suzu. It sold a ton of the Suzu Troopers.

Rated one of the best of the best by Car and Driver Magazine. It gets 94 miles per gallon city, 112 highway. Its top speed is 300 miles per hour. And these Suzu dealers have millions in stock. So they're selling them for $9. And if you come in tomorrow, you'll get a free house. You have my word on it.

My favorite one was he's up on Mount Everest. And then a bunch of like Nepali guys are shirping their way up the mountain. And he's like, hey guys, you want to lift? And he's like, I threw it in four-wheel drive.

The amazing Isuzu Trooper 2. It's four-wheel drive can take you anywhere. In fact, I drove it up here myself. It has more seats than the Astrodome, plus enough cargo space to carry Texas. And Isuzu will accept marbles and seashells as payment, but they're selling fast, so you have to come in in five minutes.

You know, and they're like, Oh, we fit inside. He's like, Yeah, come on in. You know, so it I just love he would, you know, he'd lie, and then in the like subtitles would say, like, he's lying.

Right, he's full of shit.

Right. It was a classic ad campaign. I love that. I I mean, I I've never seen an as Suzu trooper in real life, so not in 40 years, 30 years, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't know what happened to them, they just vanished. I haven't seen an Azuzu period, yeah. Yeah, I don't know if they were morphed into Hyundai or what you know, what company it turned into or just vanished, or yeah, they're probably just making them with machine gun mounts and sending them to the Middle East.

That's it, that's all they do with them. But yeah, you know, that it just struck me. I love those ads. I totally forgot about them, dog. But uh I wonder if there was because I think it was before. I wonder if that might have been some of John Lovitz's inspiration for Tommy Flanagan. Yeah, my wife, uh Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, I wonder if that maybe you know what I mean. It was kind of the same thing. I wonder if that inspired Lovitz to do that character. Yeah. Number two, do you Kev? Oh, I I've been getting into the conversation, forgot to look. Oh, well, this is again, this is one of those ones that as soon as it's been in my head all day long, and that was the honeycomb hideout. Yes, because honeycomb's big, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, not so small. No, no, no, no. Come to the honeycomb hideout.

I'm Vic Boulder Jones, and I want a big sale. Honeycomb's big.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not small. No, no, no. Honeycomb's got a big big bite, big big taste in a big big bite.

And the kids got a tape measure, and they had, I mean, they started with like just actors, character actors coming in and and doing, you know, knocking on the on the clubhouse, but then later it was the Hulk, Hulk, not Hulk Hogan, but the actual Hulk in a cartoon. Incredible one. And then Andre the Giant, and there was just a whole series of of uh, you know, different guest stars, big dudes, right? In the yeah, in the honeycomb. I think I I've I couldn't find it, but I'm pretty sure there was a sergeant slaughter um that showed up at one point. And the other thing that struck me is honeycomb, and I don't I don't know if I ever ate honeycomb. Oh, I don't know. So maybe the advertising didn't work. It was a hard cereal to eat, I recall. It was a little crunch. It held the crunch. It's big. Maybe that's not a good thing, honeycomb. Um, and I know that other cereals did this. Um, they had a story record on the back of the box. Do you remember that? Did you guys ever get a box of cereal that either you cut the back of the box off and it had a record? Yes.

Ghost stories record on the box. Cut it out, put it on. And he was laughing.

The craziest laugh move ever.

Three different ghost story records. One needs special marked boxes.

Or it was inside, or whatever else. That was one of the prizes, was a record, which was just like, I can't believe it. I got slow, yeah. I got serial and a record. Yeah. This is amazing.

Um and it would play for like three times because it was so crazy. Right.

Because it was just disintegrate. Um, and then the other one they had, if you remember the the um the CB craze with you know, um ham radios convoy and and all of that. So they had iron-ons even with that came with it. And it just made me think about all of the great prizes and all the crappy prizes that we got in the cereal. But the the CB trucking one had a keep on trucking, it had uh the dragon wagon, which was a dragon on the back of a tow truck. And then it took me a minute to figure out, but it was a Corvette and it said smoky bait. And I'm going, Smokey bait, who's who's smoking? Oh, oh, smoky and the beard, yeah. Oh, nice, yeah, exactly.

Smoky reminds me of old school and Will Farrell's like, gotta keep on keep on trucking, keep on trucking.

I got the took the restrictor plate off the red dragon. It's not exactly legal, so let's keep it on the DL.

Wow, that's really cloud.

Yeah, thanks. Took the restrictor plate off, give the red dragon a little more juice, but uh let's keep that on the down low. She's not exactly street legal.

Mark, you said you had another honeycomb jingle?

Yes, this is about a girl I was dating uh back in the night early 1990s. It went like this honey bunch, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big big tits, yeah, yeah, yeah. And both were very, very true. So I rewrote the song. It seemed to fit. Yeah.

The words just wrote themselves.

Oh my god, did they ever, Donnie? Did they ever? Divine intervention.

Yeah. All right. So, Mark, I believe this is you starting number one.

Number one, yes. And uh this commercial also was out at the same time as Bull Shavers was. It's a Wendy's commercial. Um, it's in the middle of the cold, well, not in the middle of the cold war, but this is my favorite. Eveningware. Lovely. Is next evening wear. All right, so evening where she comes out with a flashlight, and then steamwear, she comes out with a peach ball. The same damn thing.

That's why at Wendy's, every hamburger isn't dressed the same. You'll get your choice of fresh toppings, fresh tomatoes, fresh lettuce, fresh onions, cheese, bacon, and more. Having a choice is better than not.

Isn't that screw there? It was basically a commercial um explaining how bland things were in uh the Soviet Union.

And Wendy's has choices.

Exactly. Great commercial. What a campaign. Those guys, I'm not gonna, I mean, you guys might have Wendy's stuff after this, but they were good. Yeah, they were absolute geniuses for their ads. If Wendy's commercial would come on, it'd be like your eyes would be glowing. And even when the Patriots gave up a touchdown and they came with that commercial, I forgot that they gave up a touchdown. You know what I mean? So, all right, so yeah, that's my number one pick. I love that ad. I mean, the girl was harder than hell.

I mean, she weighed 429 pounds, you know, but that's a good one.

She was fat, Donnie. No, smoke cigars, too. Even today, I don't think that you can pick on a country. I don't think that they would that would fly today that you would just, you know, totally shit on an entire country, regardless. You know what I mean?

People would be so offended if you made fun of a country like that. Like, or a fat person.

Yeah. People totally don't understand communism and and the so what was it, Yakov Smirnov used to say. Summed it up perfectly back in the day. In Russia, you wait in line for bread. In America, bread waits for you. I want to live where bread's waiting for me. That's all that's all.

That was the point of the commercial, and uh it was a riot, a regular riot.

That commercial was just hilarious to me and amazing.

Like, thank you.

All right, but didn't that didn't those choices lead to step aside?

Uh yes, I'd like a hamburger with extra tomatoes, no pickle, no onion. Step aside. Step aside.

Step aside. Please, step aside.

Step aside.

Kindly step aside, sir. Step aside.

Please, sir. Right, step, sir. Step aside.

I don't know what came first, you know, but I know they were all funny as hell in chronological order.

Yeah. All right, so that's number one to me. And I'm sure all of you guys remember this, and hopefully everyone out there will. And it was pretty basic. And I don't believe it was a commercial about eggs. This is your brain.

All right.

So they cracked the egg into the frying pan. Yeah, and it's frying and sizzling, and yeah, you know, that's your brain on drugs.

Okay, last time. This is drugs. This is your brain on drugs.

Any questions?

As short the commercial was, and my spiel will be here. It was so incredibly memorable. Just a little short public service announcement that you know told us not to do drugs, but how clever cracking an egg into a pan and then making it sizzle. And it was pure beauty. You know, it's just a memory of my it's got legs too.

I mean, you still hear people pull that out all the time. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah.

I feel like it wasn't really effective at keeping people off drug. Do you remember the t-shirt that came out? It's like this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs, it's your brain on drugs with the side of bacon and some home fries. Yes, right.

Spectacular. Kind of lost its steam there when you're that sounds good. Matter of fact, awesome.

All right, number one, the you don't go. All right, so this is where I throw out my little wild card, my little going rogue, like I like to do every so often. And it is an advert advertisement. I like to say how the Brits say it, the advertisement, advertisement. Um, but it's a fictional advertisement. And I've used it in many casts before, but it's it it hits me too good, too good in my soul to not use it.

And it's just let your glow. Just let it shine food. Just let your food so silk and smooth, and just let it shine food. Just let your glow.

In coming to America, it it's an ad, it's a commercial, it fits, it works, and it is pure cheese genius. I love it. Joy. So on that note, I was ready to prepare. There, it was written with the intention of there were products out there like Afro Sheen. Yeah. And the director was like, I want to play on the advertisements for Afrochine. And he came up with the Soul Glow, so he reached out to Niles Roger, who was the um, who was doing this the score, the composer for for uh coming to America, and he he wrote the Soul Glow ad. The genius song. So it was it was kind of like tied in with the oh, what was it, Soul Train in the 70s, which I love. You ever pull up like a Soul Train, the end dance? That's my happy place. Like, I love that show. Uh that's where my soul wants to live is in that 1970s Soul Globe train, um or the Soul Train. I just love it, I love it. And recently, uh Niles Rogers, who was the composer, and uh, he was on a tiny desk concert for NPR, and and one of his keyboard players, Russell Graham, pulled that out. Nice and and I didn't think it was like physically possible for a white person to to hit those notes. Never mind. A male. And in in the in the original Coming to America, it was a dude that sang that. I thought it was a girl, and it's like those are some serious high notes in that you know, that's a dude singing that, and it actually the guy who originally sang that is uh Christopher Max, and he's currently lives in the Netherlands. He can hit the high notes, man, and I love that song, it just makes me happy, so that's why I had to pull that one out.

Well, you tied it into a real commercial, so it's right.

I just love the fact that every time the the the jerk-off boyfriend that used the solo, every time he stood up, there was just that big greasy spot on the back of the couch. Yeah, the whole family. Remember the whole family got up?

In my opinion, one of the greatest adverse advertisements ever.

Yes, was it Lionel? His name was Lionel, I'm not sure. Yeah, exactly. Sounds familiar, yeah.

See, they're McDowell, McDonald's. We're McDowells.

Yeah, we have the what what did they have? The they got the big Mac. Look, we've got the Mick Mick. Wow. What's your rents, do motherfucker? All right. Oh my god. Awesome, Tony. Okay, Kevin, wrapper up.

Uh, you can call me Ray, you can call me Jay, but you ain't got to call me Johnson. Now, going back over this, I mean, I remember my family laughing about this, the Miller light ads. Yeah, I'm sorry, the natural light ads, because he did those with Norm Crosby, and he's like, You don't have to call it Anheuser Busch, you don't have to call it natural light. Give me an Anheuser-Busch natural light. Just say natural.

Johnson's right. Oh, you can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me.

For a great tasting light beer, just say natural.

But you doesn't have to call me Johnson. Two naturals, please.

Please don't ask him his name.

Name? You can call me Ray.

Or you can't But he this guy made his entire career on that one bit.

Unbelievable.

It was just from Red Fox to the Nattiads to Sven Gouli to um the it was The Simpsons, the King of the Hill.

Joseph to the turntable. Or you can call me RJJ Jr., but you doesn't have to call me Johnson.

I don't get it. He did he was the ticket taker at the opera on Seinfeld. Yes. And even even Bob Dylan made reference to it in a song called You Gotta Serve Somebody, which I remember was a super annoying song, but it was uh you can call me you can call me Terry, you may you may call me Timmy, you may call me Bobby, you may call me Zimmy. Bob Dylan's real name is Bob Zimmerman. You can call me Ray RJ, you can call me Ray, you may call me anything, but no matter what you say, you're gonna have to serve somebody.

Yes, you are. You're gonna have to serve somebody.

But Raymond J. Johnson Jr., the guy's name was Bill Saluga, and he just literally made a living off that. And if you look at it, it's like he's got the big cigar and the ill-fitting suit. It just wasn't a great character, it didn't really hold up, and and the bit is pretty friggin' annoying, but back in the day it was like it was hilarious, it was something that everybody shared. Maybe one of those first were like, you know, I think of it like WhatsApp. Yeah, you know what I mean?

It's one of those things that just kind of just went viral in the old days.

Yes, right, yeah, exactly. Awesome.

What a fun episode, guys. So fun looking back to that shit. I love it. Uh Mark, you did have something you want to say though before we close out?

Yeah, so coming up in January, hopefully, um Kevin and I are gonna be working on our Facebook page, past timers at 80s I, and we're gonna start doing surveys, questionnaires, you know, asking you which four bands or four movies that we picked in our previous cast. Some feedback we're really excited about that, and we're we're gonna get it up online. Very cool. We want you to be able to participate, get your voice heard. Yeah, exactly.

Absolutely. Yep. We definitely love to hear from you guys. Um, also, while looking at that, let's not forget about you know our email at pta80h at gmail.com. Any comments, any discrepancies, anything you want to say, email us there as well. But awesome episode, guys. That was so much fun. Everyone out there, we appreciate the feedback and everyone for listening. And it's so great to see a lot of people we know now, and it's just so great, and we just we we couldn't appreciate it more. But great episode, guys. Dungo, I thank you. Thank you. Have a good one. Yes, indeed. Kevin, I thank you. I thank thee. Yes, brother Mark, I thank thee.

Well, you're welcome, AJ. I had a good time, man.

Awesome, yeah. That was a great topic. Can't wait for the next one. And we are out. Oh, what a feeling. Oh, this is even better than that time I met Time at a cheese guy.

I defer a hunter, a climber clamber junker, a high deferral hunter.

How are you, partner? Uh yeah, pardon me, sir. I live next door. Uh it is three thirty in the morning. I I am very tired. Look, a wagon wheel! What the hell is your problem?